Judge — March 13, 1920 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| ed Drawn by LS. Kaeana. Connell Unirersity, Oxrorn University Judge Editorials Rrupes PP. Stet Joun A. Steicunn, Presiden Preveron Maxwett, Editor (DITORIAL~-UNDERGRADUATED HE convention of College Wits—and half wits—is in prog ress. All is confusion in the usually placid pages of Jeper The contingent from Purdue is staging a hockey game in the editorial rooms and in the fray the rhythmic Walt Mason is knocked almost into a state of vers libre, while the Stanford bunch are trying to coax the Williams Purple Cow into the “Show Shop.” And already most of Disco's best records have a lot of “Bad Breaks” in them, This idea of convening all the embryo humorists of the na tion into an intercollegiate wit meet and in awarding loving cups Indeed we almost feel as though at high up in the to the winners is a novel one. were looking down on the thing from We are becoming more thrillol as the various ff. When we hear the man with the megaphone wt for the two line pun.” we are fairly a-tremble. urting line we Yale bowl events aren shout,“ All Out they ¢ have « moment in which to study the contestants, which, all in all The faces of a good many seem vaguely familiar that we wonder how they will ever complet them we sce the face of a little child whose sweet upturned countenance makes us hope that shis infant prodigy will hold to be its me and as they crouch upon the quite a varied aggregation. vhile others appear so old and decrepit asingle lap Among ts own against the more seasoned veterans that ss the gun and they’ off-L. J adversi Bang! g Kavana. Cornell University, "20. Wirs Contest rus is the day of magazine contests. “To maintain its at reputation JupGE has decided to have a series of wntests on inportant questions of the day, limited to college men. Contributions should be addressed to“ Witless Contest yntain a five-dollar bill in case of rejection. in before the dark of the moon \ young man of delic Jupce’s Courai Editor” and mus: Answers should b Here is the problem been in receipt of numerous attentions from a yo acquaintance. We abhors her wild ways, but i tractel by her cough, masterful manner. A few breeding has g lady of his secretly at nights ago, urcr Grant FE. Hasitton, drt Director Lawton Mackatt, Managing Editor \. EL Ro while driving on a country road she stopped to let the engine cool, and the young man’s remonstrances that he was not that kind of a boy were of no avail. He has thought of confiding in his father, but fears the latter may tell his mother, who has hot temper. What should he do? For the best answer to this problem Jupcr will give one fur-lined bath-tub, suitably engraved. For any answer printed it will pay one flannel dollar. ial offer to the kiddies—Any Freshman who sends in a ‘ontribution will reccive a Pittsburg Stogie, any flavor. Lewis M. Dannev, Je., Princeton University, °21 ACHELORS are the rubber tires on the wheels of civiliza tion; they arc as necessary to society as scandal. Imagine t houseparty without a bachelor—or a christening: bachelors are godfathers and godsends. Bachelors are not merely unmar. ried men; they are men who are at once narried and eligible; old enough to be interesting, but voung gh to be considered ond mothers; rich enough to support a wife, but who prefer they are men who only remain xed powers cdom—and ACHELORS by to help support a club; in fi married by grace and their own super-deve Mf self-preservation. They love women and fr they have stre h of will enough to choose the latter. \ pericct bachelor is good-looking enough to make a jealo’ ~» handsome that other men husband uneasy, and yet not despise him The hazards of the y are all against the bachelor: hence only the fittest survive. Therein lies the zest. If 4 n too many, if he holds a hand same of be bachelor accepts one invitat one instant too long, if he dares the moon once too often, he is gone. He will be married in spite of himself, for women think So the true bachelor will curefully nurse his of infatuation—the polite period, the He will send notes, then only of marriage. tame through the degre attentive period, the pre-climax candy, then flowers, finally, a puppy. Then he will stop. Suddenly he will fade away, for after a puppy the only logical gift is a ring, and the only sifety is in tlight.—J. D. McMasrrr, Princeton University, *10M%. comicbooks.com