Judge — February 14, 1920 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UNGSJERS i Experienced—She—John, your man ners are awful! I noticed that you dusted the chair at Mrs. Heep’s before you sat down. Arid their little boy was watching you, too! He—Yes! And | was watching: him! I am too old a fish to be caught on a bent pin!—London Tit-Bits. Perfectly Normal—The Doctor—You say your little boy an abnormal appe: tite. In what way it manifested? The Mother—He's lost all desire for things that make him sick.—-Boston Globe. Rapid Progress— For the fourth time a new baby had ed at the home of Robert's sister, Nellie. When informed of the event one of his aunts told him in an impressive manner that he was now an uncle for the fourth time. Rather fussed, the little fellow answered: “Goodness me, if things keep on [’ll soon be a grandpa!”—Chicago Tribune Queer Animal— turned from a week visit to his aunt, and was trying to describe the folding bed he had been sleeping in. “It lays down at night, mamma, and stands on its hind legs in the daytime.” — Pittsburgh Leader His Share of Education—The chil dren were telling a visitor what they stud- ied at school. “1,” said the eldest, spelling and definitions.” “And what do you get, my little man?’’ said the visitor, addressing the littlest one, who had listened in a bored way while the others recited their lists. “Oh, I dets readin’, spellin’ spankin’. ”"—Minnea polis Tribune. reading. “get and Helping Grandfather—The other evening five-year-old John was over at his grandfather’s house for supper. While they were eating grandfather sneezed. It stopped his conversation a minute, and then just as he started to resume it Joseph spoke up: “What do you say, grandpa?” he asked. Grandfather looked mystified a minute; then again began to talk. Again Joseph persisted, “What do you say, grandpa?” More mystified looks. Then Joseph informed him. ‘“Grandpa,” he said sweetly, “isn’t this a ’scuse me table like ours?”—Indianabolis News. Thrust Upon Her “Oh, why was | born an actre: “You weren't, dearie.”—Opinion (London). The Road to Paradise—“ My dar- ling,” said a fond mother, who believed in appealing to children’s tender feelings instead of punishing them. “If you are so naughty you will grieve mamma so that she will get ill and have to lie in bed in a dark room and may die and have to be taken to the cemeteryar.d be buried, and you- The child had become more solemn, but an angelic smile overspread his at his mother’s last words, and, throwing his arms about her neck, he exclaimed: “Oh, mamma, and may I sit beside the coachman?”—London Tit-Bits. Providing for the Household Pet— “It would be strange if people should find themse! acking bread.” “We might get along without bread for a while out at our house,”’ commented Mr. Meekton. “But Henrietta would be terribly worried if the dog biscuit were to give out.”—Washingion Star. Some Wag—RXedd—Black took his dog over to France with him when he left didn’t he? “Yes.” “Both got their old jobs back?” “Well, the dog has. I saw him chas- ing his tail today.”"—Yonkers Statesman, A Regular One—He was looking for a good canine companion, and had an- swered an advertisement in the news- paper. The following conversation ensued: You advertised a sensible dog for ep.” “What do you mean by a sensible deg?” “This pup has never had a ribbon around his neck and has never ridden in a limousine since the day he was born. He’s a happy-hearted, bone-burying, cat-chasing, 100 per cent. dog.”— Hous- ton Post. Pianissimo Persuasion First Enthusiast—I say, Muriel, have you ever tried listening to music with your eyes shut? Second Ditto—And you, sir—have you ever tri Passing Show (London). 19 listening to music with your mouth shut?—