Judge — November 1, 1919 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TOUGH HIDES Just One More—The Human En- cyclopedia had answered more than 10,- 000 questions correctly and was about to retire, when a man in the rear of the hall shouted : “Just one more question, please!” “State your question, sir,” smiled the Human Encyclopedia confidently. “When is a trolley car full?” asked the man—Cincinnati Enquirer, Indulgent Father—Customer—Herc, what's the meaning of this? I don't intend to be shaved by this kid! Barber—It’s only my own youngster. ‘ let him have a bie of fun today, sir, it's his birthday.—Edinburgh Not Worth a Rooster—Having lived next door to the home of a minister, I was often called in to witness a hasty wedding. On one occasion the prospective bride and bridegroom arrived in a farm wagon. After the ceremony was duly performed, the bridegroom asked to be excused just a moment, and on return- ing from his wagon he said: “Parson, I have no money to give you, but here is anice young rooster for your Thanks- giving dinner, and I will bring you a turkey for Christmas.” On several occasions the minister saw same man in town, who seemed to avoid him. One day on meeting him face to face, he said: “Parson, 1 may as well tell you that I am not going to bring that turkey; I have found out she was not_even worth the rooster I gave you."—Chicago Tribune. Shoe on the Other Foot—A tourist traveling in the Rocky Mountains was introduced to an old hunter who claimed to have killed no fewer than a hundred bear “Bill,” said the introducer, “this fel- ler wants to hear some narrer escapes om bears.” man,” said Bill, “if thar’: "em."—Boston Transcript. Some Folks Just Won't Be Satisfied —Well,” said the optimist. “I'm sorry the President got sick here, but at that Wichita got more advertising through- out the country by it than she would have done had he given his address as scheduled.” “Maybe, so,” snarled the _ pessimist, “but it didn’t advertise Wichita much as a health resort, did it?”—IVichita Eagle. Ho, Hum!—“It says here that the world is not revolving as fast as it did 10,000 years ago,” said the Old Fogy, as he looked up from the magazine he was reading. “Maybe not,” commented the Grouch. “But it goes around fast enough to sat- isfy a man who has a note to meet and no money to pay it.”"—Cincinnati En- murer. —Plus de lait, je suis obligée d'élever mon _veau avec du bouillon aux herbes. . “Since there is no more milk, I have to raise my calf herb broth."—Le Jour- nal Amusant (Paris). about her “Aw, she forgot to weigh Fido be- fore she went away, and now she doesn’t know whether the pup gained anything or not."—Kansas City Journal. The Net Result—"“Wife ever get an economical streak ?” She does, Only this summer she fig- ured out she could save eight dollars in n housework.” one week by doing her « fow did it work out “She got a cook book, I got dyspep: and the doctor got the eight dollars.”"— Boston Transcript. A Bright Idea—First Young Lady (examining directory in drug store)—] nnot find the name in this directory, Ethel. Second Young Lady—No? What shall we do? First Young Lady—Let us go to another drug store and examine their directory —Philadelphia Inquirer. Ahead of Time — Singleton — Your wife seems to be an up-to-date woman. Wedderly—Huh! She's away ahead of the date. Why, she has a lot of trouble borrowed for next year—Bos- ton Post. Oh!—‘What are all these blonde hairs doing on this vest you wore last winter?” asked Mrs, Gay, as she held up the article she was going to hang out to air, “What are they doing there?” replied Mr. Gay. “Why, you were a blonde last winter, weren't you?”—Cincinnati Enquirer. By the Sad Sea Waves Sentimental Maud—Just listen to the moaning of the tide, Bertie. _ . Bertie—It isn't the tide, my dear, it's the people paying their hotel bills.—Passing Show, London, wz