Judge — November 1, 1919 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Aunt (despondently)—Well, I sha‘n't be a nuisance to you very much longer, ephew (reassuringly)—Oh, don’t talk like that, Auntie. I'm sure you willl assing Sho Where There's a Will, There’s a Way Was He Looking for One?—‘The girls of today do not give enough at- tention to the matter of cooking,” said the marriageable young man, “Oh, my daughter is a famous coc said the mother intent on marrying her daughter off. “Indeed! And has she any other references, may I ask?"— S'onkers Statesman. : | Didn't Fool Her—The curtain had just gone down on the first act. “I think I'll go out and gét a breath of fresh air,” said Mr, Guzzler. “I wish you'd bring some of it back with you, instead of the breath you usu ally bring. suggested Mrs. Guzzler.— Philadelphia Record. rots Lost Forever—Fdith—So that rich elor didn’t propose. No, he ate six meals at that summer hotel where they advertise home cooking and decided to stay single — a ae Boston Transcript. —M'siew Mdéputé! equ’ nous fau- drait, c'est un pont! Just Like Him—‘How was the ban- —Mais, vous n’avez pas de riviére. —Ben, j'vous en demanderons une Father gave the toast to the Yannée prochaine. me % : Mr. Representative, what we need “He did, ch? That's just like him, yore in thie town, is a bridge” letting on to a lot of other women zs : that he’s so kind and considerate when But you have no rive . he wouldn't make toast for me in the Then we will ask you to slip one mornings if my head was splitting nto next year’s appropriation."—Le open."—Detroit Free Press. Journal Amusant (Paris). The Supreme Sparkle—“Now that you are a high-salaried picture star, you wear diamonds.” Jiamonds!" echoed the film favor ite, scornfully. “Where are you go- ing to get any jewelry that will put up a display to compare with the elec- tric lights at the front of the hous Washington Star. Cause — Assistant—What’s the di- rector sof about? Scenario or—I gave him a scenar- io which is good that he cannot im- prove upon it.—Film Fun, Her Turn to Gloat—“What is the cause of all this commotion in the of- fice ? “One of life's little comedies is being “Yes?” “The beauteous stenographer whom the boss fired for incompetence two years ago is a star in the movies now. She has just dropped in by her manager, her private secretary and her husband, to get even with the boss by showing him her new contract ling for a salary of $2,000 a week.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. The Doctor in the Films—The mo tion picture doctor usually: Rolls his gauze out on the ground before bandaging the wound Makes an infallible diagnosis in two looks and in two minutes, Arrives in time to pronounce the mother of the poverty-stricken family dead, Wears a frock coat and whiskers. Puts the ear pieces of the stethoscope in the wrong way. Speaks of pregnancy as “her interest- ‘ondition. ver visibly collects a fee. Does his own dispensing. Arrives promptly.—/ournal of the Ime nw Medical Association. Demand—“Jim has become rich, | hear.” “Hor “He's making blank cartridges to_be nly on picture serials.” Film Fun Embarrassing—Mrs. Swinburne was calling one afternoon and, while wait- ing for her host to appear, was being entertained by the 6-year-old ighter, “Mrs, Swinburne,” said little Sarah, will you take one of your shoes off for just a minute?” “My shoes!” exclaimed the caller, in amazement. “Why do you want me to do that?" “Well,” oxplained the child, “I heard mother say you were getting crow’s-feet awfully."—Buffalo Commercial.