Judge — October 25, 1919 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Nursery Logic Fond Mother—Now, if you're a good boy : t how will you know I've been good, till you do come back? Little Charlie—| —Blighty. Cost of Living Item—A prominent banker and commission house partner in discussing the high cost of living yesterday said that for several years he had been giving investment advice to a friend who is in the egg business. De- spite the fact that the egg merchant kept a good sized amount invested in securities in the banker's firm the lat- ter presumed that amount to be about the extent of his wealth. A few weeks ago the egg merchant confided that he wanted to quit business and was ad- vised by the banker to put his money into government bonds. “What will it total?” banker. “Oh, about $1,500,000 I guess,” was the nonchalant reply, “Did you make all this on eggs?” he was asked “Yes, every dollar on eggs.” “How did you do it?” “Simplest thing in the world,” was the answer. “I bought eggs when no- body wanted ’em, and when they were cheap, put them in cold storage ai waited until I got my price."—New York Sun. Cause for Gladness—//e—My dear, I have just paid off the mortgage on our home. She—I'm so glad. Now you can put on another and buy an automobile.— Baltimore American. asked the I'll bring you back a nice toy Advice—"I can't raise $50—that's all there is to that! I got a notice from my bank this morning that I had overdrawn! “Well, try some other bank. They can't all be overdrawn.”"—Vanity Fair. The Home Guard ento mucho decirle que no esta.” por qué lo sientes?” “Porque—no me gusta mentir.” “Is the lady in? "m sorry to say she is not in.” And why are you sorry?” Because—-I do not like to have to lie.”— Blanco y Negro (Madrid). 7 Something at your. caller “He did.” I ask what he wanted?” My autc “A small ri “Not on the back of a note.” mingham Age-Herald. Stake—“I thought went away disappointed.” quest.” —Bir- Fooled Her—//ub—This doilar 1 hold in my hand reminds me of a scandalous secret Wife (eagerly)—Oh, John, do tell me pout It. Hub—It reminds me of a scandalous secret because it is so hard to keep. Boston Transcript. MUSIC Bs Ragtime Literature—“Why do you object to ragtim “It puts tunes into my mind that I can't forget. And I don't dare whistle them in public because of the words they suggest."—IVashington Star. The Penalty — “Hello, What's u) “Gunsh “Great S Out shooting No, home; learning the cornet.”— Bulle... Ferguson! wounds, old man.” How did it happen? Sydne} Profitablc—“Was your daughter's musical education a profitable venture?” asked Smith. “Rather!” said Brown. “I bought the houses on either side of us at half their value.”-—Pearson’s. Discrimination—“Why doesn’t your wife sing to the baby when it cries?” “Hush! She used to, but the people in the flat above sent their maid down to tell us that they preferred to hear the baby ery.”"—Stray Stories. Both Bear Watching—Music Teach- er—That new pupil is improving, but when she runs the scales I have to watch her pretty close. His Wife—Just as I have to watch her father, the butcher, when he’s run- ning the scales.—Boston Transcript. Music — Didn’t Appreciate His rack on “Mamma, what's that little papa’s cornet for?” “Oh, that’s to help your father to carry a tune, my son.”—Yonkers States- man, Brings It Out—‘I'’m making money selling mice,” said the bald-headed man. Who do you sell ’em to?” “A professor of music on the next block.” “What in the world does he want mice for?” “Why, he uses them for trying the voices of the young ladies."—Yonkers Statesman.