Judge — October 18, 1919 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Paid injFull It’s Tough to Be a Reporter The rookie swabs the hardwood deck, The captain guides the ship, The ensign shouts his orders loud, The lootn’t cracks the whip, The stokers stoke the livelong day, The narson says the prayers, The dentist jerks a tooth or two, The surgeon has his cares. ‘The chief exek, he moseys round To sce if things arc fit, The engineer is careful that The Ark shall not be hit, But I'm the guy who frisks around And watches all the bees, And drone on deck, or snooze in bunk, And live a life of ease. —The Arklight, la vie d'un homme... Pour vous, c'est vingt francs. Love \ la Mode » doctor, let It strikes me that she likes me, And yet I do not know; Since I have candy handy Perhaps I’m kept in tow, Yet how much nicer it would be To have that cake of ice in me. So, like the bird, I'll seek the shade, And there I'll have a cold drink made; And, like the fish, I'll soak it in Till it pervades my very skin. And in that drink shall clink and float A chunk of ice to cool my throat— And I shall be more happy, far, Than bird and fish and walrus are! She’s sweeter than the metre Of any twilight song; With hauteur in her motor She bids me come along. Then gracious and vivacious In stunning hats and spats, Quite often she will soften, And give me little pats. The Intermission My honey-bird has money, And I—that’s why I fret! Poor sinner, could I win her, I might get out of debt! —Town Topics. Warm Weather Wishes Oh, I would dearly love to be A fish that swimmeth in the sea; A bird that flieth in the air, And findeth cooling breezes there. A walrus on a cake of ice— That, too, methinks were very nice. And yet, if I could have my wish, I doubt if I would be a fish, For be the weather what it may, Fish must drink water every day. And I retract my former word That I should like to be a bird; For though it would be fine to fly, It would be work—and that is why. And though indeed it would be nice To sit upon a cake of ice, nd when you threat mother, did he sto; “Yes, once or twice! —Cleveland Plain Dealer. —Ah! docteur, cous ttes assuré de ma reconnaissance éternelle! Je ne sais ce que je cous dois \e assure you of my eternal gratitude. I owe you my life “For you, that will be four dollars."—Le Rire (Paris). Her Place—“Lillian,” said mother severely, “there were two pieces of cake in the pantry this morning, and now there is only one. How does this hap- n?”? “T don’t know,” said Lillian, regret- fully. “It must have been so dark that I didn’t see the other piece.”—Detroit Free Press. How Old Was the Teacher?—A school teacher who had been telling a class of small pupils the story of the dis- covery of America by Columbus ended it with: “And all this happened more than 400 years ago.”” A little boy, his eyes wide open with wonder, said after a moment’s thought, “Gee! What a memory you've got!”— Boston Herald, Johnny's Mistake—Johnny went to answer the door bell and replied to a woman’s inquiries that his mother was, out. “Thank you, I will leave my card,” she said, taking out her purse. As she did so the square tissue paper that was with the card fluttered out and landed on the steps. “Hey, missis,” shouted Johnny after the departing caller, “you dropped a cigaret paper.”—Pittsburg Post.