Judge — October 18, 1919 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WET AND DRY Nobody Around—Yeast—Do you note any change in the old town since it went dry?” Crimsonbeak—Sure thing. The lamp- posts look more lonesome.—Yonkers Statesman, Prosperity Follows Prohibition— “Count me,” communicates a Superior Ave. locksmith, “among those whose busi- ness has been benefited by the dry cra. During the last few weeks I have sold more than a thousand padlocks, for use on outside cellar doors.” —Cleveland Plain Dealer. Adamant—“I've just been having a heart to heart talk with my doctor,” remarked Mr. Jagsby. “Did he give you any encouragement?” “None whatever. A man might be bit- ten by all the rattlesnakes in this county and he wouldn’t be able to get a p scription for liquor out of that fellow —Birmingham Age-Herald. Makes ‘em Smaller—A ph: was called in to treat a case of delirium tremens, “Can you cure the delirium tremens, doctor?” he was asked. “No,” answered the physician, “but I can make the snakes look smaller.”"— Journal of the American Medical Associa- tion. Keeping Up Appearances in Germany “Why on earth don’t you put up your umbrella?” “Can't. Got nothing in this case but the frame. My wife had to use the silk for a shirtwaist."”"—Jugend (Munich), Looked Suspicious—An American admiral used to tell the following story against himself. He had a congressman for a guest, and, having run out of his favorite brand of whisky, made up with some he could not guarantee. He ex- plained this, and added, “Here, how- ever, is some brandy that I've kept un- touched, for a good deal more than 20 years.” “Hand me over the whisky decanter,” was the rejoinder. “Why?” asked the admiral. “What's the matter with the brandy?” “That’s what I want to know, Bob,” said the guest; “but if you have had it untouched in your possession for more than 20 years, there must be something pretty bad the matter with it.”—Edin- burgh Scotsman. Telltale Economy M. Nouvoriche—Avec la fortune qu'ils prétendent avoir; ils auraient tout de mime pu acheter un deuxiéme piano a leurs filles. . . Mr. Newlyrich—"With all the money they pretend to have, you would think they could buy their daughters a piano apiece!” —Le Pile Méle (Paris). | THE SEX So Foolish!—“ John,” she said to her husband, “tell me about this Irish mat- ter. It seems awfully foolish to me.” “What's foolish about it?” “Why, I overheard a man on the car say the trouble was about an ulster— fancy quarreling about an old ulster in all this hot weather.”"—Boston Transcript. He Insisted—In a crowded omnibus a stout lady vainly endeavored to get her fare out of the pocket of her cldak, which was tightly buttoned as a protec- tion against pickpockets. After she had been trying without effect for some min- utes, a gentleman seated on her right said: “Please allow me to pay your fare.” The lady declined with some anger, and renewed her attacks on the pocket. After some little time the gen- ueman again said: “You really must let me pay your fare. You nave already un- done my braces three times, anu I can’t stand it any longer!"—Eficiency Maga- sine. Inane Chatter—“Is Mrs. Gadder a brilliant conversationalist?” “Not brilliant, but tireless. She's one of those ‘first-and-third-person’ talkers.’”” “How is that?” “‘T said’ and ‘she said.’ ’—Birming- ham Age- Herald. Ordering a Dinner—A stylishly dressed woman entered the restaurant. The waiter handed her a bill of fare writ- ten in French, and said: “Please mark off the dishes you wish to order.” Could a woman dressed in the height of fashion confess that she was unable to read French? Taking the pencil she made a few dashes and the order read: “ Dinner, $1.00. “June 20,” “Vegetables.” “Please pay at the desk.” “ tips.” The waiter brought her a dinner of steak and potatoes.— Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph. The Suit—“Have you ever appeared as a witness in a suit before?” asked the bully-ragging Attorney. “Why, of course!” replied the Young Lady on the witness stand. “Then tell the jury just what suit it was!” demanded the Attomey. “Tt was a blue suit, with a white col- lar and white cuffs, and white buttons all the way down the back,” replied the Young Lady.—Cincinnasi Enquirer.