Judge — October 11, 1919 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

f I! | i } | Not Particular—Furn an experienced milker, hey? Now, which side uv a cow do you set on when you milk her? Applicant for Job—Oh, I ain't a bit partickler, if the cow ain't!”—Buffalo Express. Couldn't Fool this Kid—Johnny paid his first visit to a farm the other day. , All his life he had lived in the heart of a great city, and when he suddenly came in sight of a haystack, he stopped and gazed earnestly at what appeared to him as a new brand of architecture. Say, Mr. Smith,” he remarked to the farmer, pointing to the haystack, “why don’t they have doors and windows in it?” “Doors and windows!” smiled the farmer. “That ain’t a house, Johnny, that’s hay.” “Don’t try to josh me, Mr. Smith!” was the scornful rejoinder. ‘Don't you suppose I know that hay don’t grow in humps like that? ""—M innea polis Tribune. A Rural Punster—“ What a number of crows there are around,” said the new country boarder who had been awakened by them. “Don’t the caws annoy you?” “The caws don’t annoy me half as Same Grade ~Yes. Corporal—What is he? Recruit—A Corporal!!! —Sontags Nise, Stockholm much as the effect,” said the farmer, whose corn was just coming up.—Boston Transcript. Old Acquaintance—“ Who's the old feller with a scythe in his hand on the back of that there almanac?” asked the new hired man. “You ought to know him,” answered Mr. Cobbles, with a chuckle. ‘That's Father Time. I suspect you've spent most of your life killing him.” —Birming- ham Age-Herald. A Bigger Show Hees “That young man stayed very late again last night, Edith.” “Yes, father, I was showing him my picture post-cards.” “Well, next time he wants to stay late, you show him some of my electric-light bills."”"— London Opinion. Monkey Out of Focus—Most of the “monkeys” seen in trained animal acts are baboons or chimpanzees. The latter are especially favored be- cause they look most like humans and act with great intelligence. The “chimp” has a large body with long arms and short legs. In a movie comedy recently exhibited in a local theater the principal part was played. by a trained orang outang. This creature has a diminutive body with arms and legs so long it greatly resembles a great spider when it is travering among the branches of a tall tree. In the audience was a man who had never scen an orang outang and he was puzzled. After watching the animal for some time the man called an usher and inquired: “Say, does that monkey really look like that or is he all out of focus? Youngstown Telegram. Rare—The resident of Los Angeles was showing a visitor the sights of the town. “That house has an odd history,” he said, pointing to a residence. “In what way?” inquired the visitor. “It has never been photographed by the film companies.""—Film Fun. Wants His Wages tunate patient?” “He thinks he’s a motion-picture come- dian.” Does he give you any trouble?” Not much, but the only way we can keep him quiet is to pay him $30,000 in stage mone: y Saturday night.”’— Birmingham Age- Herald. And this unfor- Thorough Preparation—‘If it is your ambition to go into the movies, why do you ¢ so much time to the study of elocution?’ “T wish to become a director and pro- ducer and I want to develop enough eloquence to hold my own in an ar- gument with the actors.”—Washington Star, Small Part—“I understand you are in the movies.” “Not enough to notice.” “How’s that?” “When a street scene is shown I’m one of the pedestrians.”"—Birmingham Age- Herald.