Judge — October 11, 1919 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drawn by Henwas Pawnee Digest of the World’s Humor The Poor Married Hick—IWife—You are very rude. You yawned four times while I was trying to talk to you. Hubby—You're wrong, my dear; I was only opening my mouth to try and get a word in edgewise.—Florida Times-Union. Plenty of Questions—" My wife is mourning the loss of a $10,000 diamond necklace.” “Why don’t you advertise a thousand reward and no questions asked.” “Well, I could make good on the thou- sand, but I doubt my wife’s ability to fulfill the rest of that contract.”—Louis- rille Courier-Journal. When the Wife is Away—Peter Finley Dunne said the other day “It’s folly to say that two can’t live as cheap as one—two can live far, far cheaper than one. “Did you send your wife to the shore last August?’ I asked a married man “ No,’ he answered. ‘I can't afford it. It costs too much.’ “ “But,” [ said, ‘your w $ tastes are simple. Surely she could sojourn at the shore without spending any great amount.” “*T know that, all right,” said he, ‘but August of last year while she was at the shore I spent more than $200 a week.’ ” —Chicago News. She Takes a Hand—His Better-Half (regarding him from the bedroom win- dow)—Where you bin this hour of the night? sider this ere lockout.""—London Tit-Bits. No Wish to Give Trouble I forgot to tell you at 8 o'clock sharp.” I ain't down « the way, Man that we have A “All rig That's Different—* You didn’t talk that way before we were married,” she said petulantly “What way?” he asked, frowning. “You said then you'd go through fire and water for me, and now you refuse me money.” “But L never said I'd go through bank- ruptcy for you.”—Vonkers Statesman. A Fair Man—“ Any remarkable char- acters in this town?” Ine—Ezra Hardapples.”” “What sort of genius is he?” “Ezra's no gen It’s like this. Mrs. Hardapple has been supporting the fam- ily and keeping Ezra supplied with pocket money for years by running a boarding house. When anybody starts to talking about suffrage for women Ezra doesn’t rear up on his hind legs and get purple in the face at the mere thought of a woman being placed on an equal footing with the lords of creation. He says if his Maggie wants the right to vote he'll be dodrotted if he doesn’t think she’s entitled to it.’—Birmingham A ge-Herald. wz Anything to Oblige—" What's all the racket about?” Lady wants a song shi deesn’t know the name of.” “Well?” “So we're playing over everything in the shop.” —Cincinnati Enquirer. s heard, but A Refusal to Bluff —* The reason you don’t admire Wagner's operas is that you don’t understand them,” said the un- daunted enthusiast. “Well,” commented the candid person, “isn’t that reason enough?" —IWashing- ton Star. A Distinction — //e — Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast She—Then why do you object so to my playing? He—I said music.—Baltimore Ameri- can Musical Vamping—Manager—I like your voice, Miss Gargle, but I can’t understand your actions at the begin- ning of your song New Soubret—My actions? “Yes; che business with your eyes and shoulders. I can see no excuse in the song for that.” “Tt is in the music.” “In the music?” “Ves. Right here after the tion it says ‘vamp till ready.” town Telegram introduc- “oungs- Musical Note—‘Got an unusual re- quest today.” “What was that?” “From the proprictor of a music store Wants us to tune the bell on his cash register." —Cincinnati Enquirer.