Judge — October 4, 1919 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FOOD Spendthrifts—" Whe to spend your vacation? “Right at home. Wife and I deci to have a turkey for Thanksgiving Bu La press re you going The Reason—Customer—L should like to know why the potatoes at the bot tom of the sack vou sold me last week are uch smaller than those at the top. Greengrocer—Well, mum, potatoes is growin’ that fast now that by the time a sackful is dug the lest ones is about t London Tit ice the size of the first!” Perhaps—* This doctor advises well- balanced meals.” “What does he mean by that?” “Possibly he has in mind the person who totes his own t in a cafeteria. If his meal isn’t well balanced, he spills it n Age-Herald. Birming Both Versatile—*Rhubarb is ver It is both a food plant and a drug.” “Tt has nothing it or smoke it bbage. You can Kansas City Jour n Straining His Vision Not Enough for External Use—Two English mothers were talking about the jam ration. “Wot's four ounces of jam a week to my biby,”’ said one of them “Why, [used to wash an ounce off his e after tea hevery day.”—Boston script Wild Speculation —* Ever dabble in the market?” “Well, the other day I got a hot tip that potatoes were due for a rise and I managed to buy three pecks and a quart before they jumped.”—Buffalo Express. The Cloven Breath ‘cuse me, con'shat dashed—(hic)— spishou but do you happer Blighty. The Art of Conversation—They boarded the De Kalb Avenue car just the other side of the bridge, They were evidently mother and daughter, the mother nearing middle age, the daughter about nineteen or twenty. They sat op. posite cach other in the open car, the girl across from the Woman, the mother be side her. After their fare had been col lected they sat for a few moments in silence. Then they began talking. The conversation ran like this. Mother began “These Brooklyn cars are the slowest things.” “You said it.” “And my, but isn’t the step high!” “T'll say it is.” “T guess it will take us about an hour to get to Mary's.” “You said it.”” “LT wish she lived in New York; we could see her much more.” “Tl say we could.” But she scems to be satisfied in Brooklyn.” “Tl say she does “She's got her home fixed up pretty enough. She must have spent a heap fixing it up.” “Tl tell the world so.” “Tf Thad that much to spend I'd spend it in New York. New York is good enough for me.” “You saidit.” New York Evening Sun In the Minority—When George Ber- nard Shaw produced his play, “ Andro- cles,” the house rose at the fall of the curtain and the author was brought on the stage to bow to the storm of applause. \ solitary man in the gallery shouted, “T call it rot “My friend,” said G. B. S., “I quite agree with you, but what are we two gcinst so many of a contrary opinion.” Sdinburgh Scotsman She Imagined It—The late Willard Straight of the Morgan banking firm used to tell a story about imagination “Imagination” —so his story ran— “once caused a banker friend of mine to lose a lady customer. This lady said in explanation of the withdrawal of her account: ““Tdidn’t like the man’s looks. was polite enough when I was makin deposit, but you ought to have seen his black frowns whenever I drew money out.’ "—Los Angeles Times Comicbooks.com