Judge — October 4, 1919 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Draven by Heawax Patacen Digest of the Worl Effective ‘Remedy—" Glipping is be- ginning to talk bolshevism.” “Is there any cure for that sort of thing?” “Certainly. e Glipping a tip that will enable him to pick up a few thou sands in the stock market and the alle woes of the proletariat will no longer mean anything to him.”—Birminghan Age-Herald. Flattery—‘‘Flattery,” said Uncle Eben, “is generally a scheme foh easy money makin’, wifout even goin’ to de trouble of fixin’ up a gold brick or a satchel of green goods.”"—Washington Star. His Idea—‘‘I hear that old Grabball is going to run for Senator,” said Smith. “Last time he ran he was defeated be- cause of his views on the currency ques- tion.” “What was his idea of an ideal cur- rency system?” asked Jones. “One that would enable a man to get six dollars in change for a five-dollar bill,” replied Smith.—Cincinnati Enquirer. Knowledge—Caller—It’s_ a good thing to teach your boy the value of money, as you are doing. Host—Well, I don’t know. He used to behave for ten cents, but now he de- mands a quarter.—Boston Transcript. Costly Out of His Class—‘ Do you think it is vulgar to be rich?” asked the seeker after useful information. “No,” replied Mr. Dubwaite. “But I think it is rather inconsiderate for a mil- lionaire friend to look bored when I descant on the high price of butter.”— Birmingham Age-Herald. The Systematic Don Juan Ordna de har karl lagg So It Is—‘ Many a multimillionaire can tell you how he made his first dol- lar.” But how many will tell you how they made their first million?” “These days a question like that is more or less impertinent.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. His Device—Mudge—I'll take those pictures, if they are done. Photograpker—Yes, sit. You under- stand, of course, that we do not deliver pictures until they are paid for. “What? Why, when I sat for them you told me I might pay whenever I chose.” “Yes; but that was merely to make you look pleasant.”—Philadelphia In- quirer. Identified Bolshevist has taken my pocket “Much in it?” “Yes, Enough to call attention to its possessor as a member of the bour- geoisic. I have no doubt that I'll be speedily nged at the hands of some proleta .”—Washington N i 7 ome 00k.” The Only Way—Jill—The man [ marry must be able to keep a cook. Jack—Bright and early tomorrow morning I’m going to enter a school of hypnotism!—Buffalo Express. Had Enough—Ledy Jane—Have you given the goldfish fresh water, Janet? Janet—No, mum. They ain’t finished the water I give em Vother day yet.— Edinburgh Scotsman Unavoidable—Hul—Oh, don’t worry about the cook’s crankiness. Don’t take any notice of her. Wife—I have to; she’s just given it.— Boston Transcript. It Didn't Work—“‘I see where a man claimed he kisseda maid because she hap- pened to be wearing one of his wife’s hats.” “The idea being, of course, that he mistook the maid for his wife.” Sxactly. But he overp hand, though.” “How was that?” “His wife says he quit kissing her seven years ago.” —Birmingham A ge-Herald. layed his Household Hint—Guest—Your cook is perfection itself. How do you manage to keep her? Hostess—We learned what dishes she likes best herself and we have those only —Boston Transcript. Right Off the Bat—* There is a use for everything in this world.” 0! Well, tell me the use of a jealous fe “Certainly! If there were no jealous wives, how do you suppose homely ste- nographers would get jobs?” —Sun Fran- cisco Chronicle.