Judge — September 27, 1919 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drawn by Hexwax Patten ‘a, Qytl// Judge Editorials oat A. Steicner, President Revses P. Steicuer, Secretary Pernitox Maxwett, Editor J Watorox, Literary Editor Grant E. Hawittox, Art Director A. E. Rottaver, Treasurer Lawton Mackatt, Managing Editor Wuy Nor a Tippinc Trust? NCOURAGING the free spirit of mankind abroad, what American. stands out at home for self-determination as a man, and not as a mannikin? And does he dine at the same restaurant the next time? Brave as we are in open combat we quail like cravens before the banditti of the caravansary, and even the proud General Staff yields blackmail as humbly as Uriah Heep. It has become a national habit, tipping waiters, bootblacks, the scales of war, hungry Europe to meals, and the whole itching Bolsheviki lurking in every by- path from the crib to the cemetery. Out from the shadowy, debatable land between right and wrong, tip- ping has now sent swarms of famished Pandours to prey on our poor public with all the implacable certainty of instalment collectors. The psychologists say it is a mental game, mind-matching of the “ heads-I-win-tails- you-lose kind.”’ But there is no system in it. The whole scheme ought to be organized into a Trust. To be sure, waiters’ unions have fixed one-tenth of the bill, evidently based on the tithes paid to the church by ourancestors. Yet tipping has not progressed much since lawyers and litigants tipped Lord Bacon—the brewers tip- ping the political parties, and shady Interests the Senators in much the same furtive way. There should be organization. The population might be di- vided into tippers and tippees, like legislators and lobbyists, with fixed bribes, tolls, fees, dues, like we paid the Barbary pirates’ tariffs until Preble smashed them. Order is nature’s law, and as we organized all the re- sources of nature, we ought to Tovaer Irate Proprietorp—What do you mean, sir, by forcing two pennies at once in my chewing-gum machine? Customer—Pardon me. You see I've been so used lately to paying double for everything I buy that it has become force of habit. organize those who prey on our resources. If tipping is right, we ought to know—when, where, how much—and revise what the histories say about the Huns and Vandals. If it is wrong, the jails and hospitals ought to be enlarged, public opinion notified, and the wrath of the unchained giant of freedom let loose for a second American Revolution. JupGELETS The story that starts out as a secret always: has the righ’t of way. . . . Truth has to foot it nearly all the way, but most anybody will give a lie a lift. . * . Memory is the Utopia of old age. . * . The man who goes looking for trouble has little to t+ do, but he will soon be busy. ” . . * And our little lives are rounded in an ice cream. * * . Some women marry inhaste and repent between cooks. * * * An_ old-fashioned _gentle- man is one who is a favorite with the old ladies. * * * Why censor the “movies,” when you can imprison the — scenario writers? 1 . * * = Are you a lowbrew or a b highbrew? ? * Be sure your breath will find you out. * . . Lots of folks don’t think of a thing in time not to say it. * * * A wink is as good as a mile.