Judge — September 13, 1919 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Had Done His Bit—A man from the north of Scotland was on a holiday in Glasgow. On Sunday evening he was walking along Argyll Street when he came upon a contingent of the Salvation Army, and a collection bag was thrust in front of his nose, He dropped a penny into it Turning up Queen Street, he encoun tered another contingent of the Salvation Army, and ogain a smiling ss” held a collection bag in front of him. “Na, na!” he said. “I gied a penny tae a squad 0’ your folk roon’ the corner jist the noo.” “Really?” said the lass, “That was very good of you. But, then, you can’t do a good thing too often, And besides, you know, the Lord will repay you a hundredfold.”” “Aweel,” said the cautious “we'll jist wait till the first transact feenished before we start the second.” London Tit-Bits Scot, Hospitality so ye leave Glesca’ on Mond. are ye daein’ the morrow nicht? Mr. Jarvis—Tomorrow, Thursday, I've no engagement Bailie—An’ the nixt nicht? Mr, J —I'm free, then, too. Bailie—An’ what will ye be daein’ on Saturday? Mr. J Buchanans Bailie—What a peety, Oa wanted ye tae tak’ dinner wi’ us on Saturday.— Dallas } Bailie McTavish— An’ y. What On Saturday I dine with the As Others See Us \ British portrait of “Uncle Sam, don Opinion. It Was His Turn— Two golf fiends an Englishman and a Scot—were playing round together. After the first hole the Englishman asked How many did you take?” ight,” replied the Scot. Oh, T only took seven, so it’s my hole!” exclaimed the Englishman tri- umphantly. After the second hole the Englishman put the same question again. Scot But the smiled knowingly. Na, na, ma man,” turn tae ask first.” L said he; “it's ma non Answer. Etymology Title—“I sce the movie people claim there's big money in the word ‘sin’ if used in a harmless manner. In other words, it’s great for a title.” “In that case I ought to be able to sell my film drama ‘Sin Fong.’ It’s a story of Chinese life.”"—Kansas City Journal. Spiritualist Séance We are now in touch with your dead wife. “Ob, yes! Ask her where she put my Summer pants Is there anything you wish to ask her? Klods Hans, Copenhagen. maces 6 We Overheard It—“No,” said the lady to whom the clerk was trying to sell a one-piece bathing suit; “that’s a bit toc—er—well, I want something fuller, you know—a few ruffles—” “Gee, Mother!” interrupted the nine- year-old boy who accompanied her; “You'd orter see Mrs, Brown's bathin’ suit. Ruffles—huh! Her’s ain't even a wrinkle!""—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Evolution—“Do you believe in the theory of evolution?” “T wouldn't venture to contradict it,” replied young Mrs. Torkins. “harley, dear, is always telling about ‘imal that start as race horses and finish as dogs." —Washington Star. Explained—Customer—What does this mean in your adverti.ement: “Big Clerk—Bathing suits, madam. are quite abbreviated, this new lot.— Boston Transcript. How He Liked It—I!ife—How do you like your new radium watch, dear? Husband—It would be wonderful if I did not have to light the lamp every time to find my glasses.—New York Exening Post. Necessity—“Do you think airships will ever come into common use?"” “Most assuredly. If Ford is going to flood the land with $250 automobiles a lot of us will have to take to the air.” — Detroit Free Press Didn't Really—“ Do you know Jones?” “T Jent him a tenner this morning; I should say I do know him.” “You lent him a tenner? should say you don’t know Fdinburgh Scotsman. Then I him. Why, of Course—F. W. H. of Akron saw a man holding a tooth in his hand, looking at it meditatively. And F. W. H. said: “What's on your mind?” And the man said: “I just had this tooth pulled, and I’m an Elk, and wouldn’t it be all right to have it made into a watch charm?” * said F. W. H. “Such charms should not be made of human tecth but of Elk’s teeth.” “But I tell you I’m an Elk,” insisted the man, with triumphagt logic.—Cleve- land Plain Dealer