Judge — August 2, 1919 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“We Aim to Please” | YOUNG- STERS Identification —ittle brother’s chum appeared unceremoniously in the parlor where big sister was entertaining her 5 afternoon beau. “Is Bobby he wished to know. No, Bobby was not at home, and then, oh, unfortu- nate impulse, big sister desiring to show her visitor her swect graciousness even in the bosom of her own family, solici tously inquired: “Who shall 1 tell him called?” Bobby's chum twisted his cap, doubt less unaccustomed to such rare courtesy, and desiring to identify himself to his chum while remaining incognito to these adults, at length replied: u'll just tell him that the guinea pig's got the little ones, then he'll know who it was that called.”—New York Eve ning Sun. Fair Warning—Edward, a six-year old urchin, accidéntally cut his shoe with his knife and his father proceeded to scold him at great length for his carelessness. The little fellow listened patiently for a time, then, looking up at his father, said: “Papa, if you don’t stop talking so much about it you'll get me mad, too.” St. Paul Dispatch. ‘aphic—Archie, the little E. F. Benson's latest novel, “Across the Stream,” had been seized with a strong desire for literary composition, and had composed a very remarkable short story which may be given in full. Chapter 1 “There was once a merderer with yellow eyes, and his wife 1 to him ‘If you merder me you will be hung.” And he was hung on Tuesday next.” “Finis” —The Bookman boy in Applied Cubism en doing?” ag nde Illustré (Paris) The Greater Risk—*To me, it scems so extravagant that people should go on hiring professional cooks in their homes with food prices so high.” “But, my dear fellow, think of the extravagance of entrusting this high priced food to inexperienced wives to be ruined and wastec Wichita Eagle Unlucky Speech—“The hostess asked me to have another sandwich and seemed offended when.I said, * thank you. I don’t want to gorge myself.’ “I'm afraid you committed a faux pas.” “How so? “The diminutive size of the sandwiches made your reply sound suspiciously like sarcasm.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. Love's Discriminating Generosity —He—How do you find the oysters, Miss Smith? She—They are simply delicious, and I am awfully hungry, too. He (to waiter)—Bring another plate of crackers.—Hotel Gazette. A Bullish Dinner—Floor brokers on the New York Stock Exchange are much fatigued at the end of a million-share day. No relief is in sight until the volume falls off—and some think this will not result in spite of higher commissions One tired broker went to sleep right after dinner and in the night he dreamed th:t he attended a brokers’ dinner in a bone dry State. The menu appealed to bim and he jotted it down. Here it is STEEL'S HOTEL Calumet Clams on Royal Shell Odd-lot Pea Soup Kennecott Salmon, Zine Sauce Pommes Preferred Chile Con Carne Anaconda Duck, Smelting $ Coast Line of Beef. Frise Third Avenue Salad Consolidated Ice Cream Wabash Wafers Locomotive Cakes United Fruits Price: At the market —Wall Street Journal. Not Enough Eating Places—"‘Well.”” asked the architect who had been com missioned to make a set of plans for < city hotel, “how do you like them?” They won't do. You have provided for only six kinds of dining rooms.” Hotel Gazette. comicbooks.com