Judge — August 2, 1919 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHEEZES Devotion—"The Americans are a home-loving people.” “No doubt about that,” rejoined the man with a cinder in his eye. “Only a home would induce so Washington wonderful love many of us to commute.” Star Something for Nothing What we want is constructive criticism,” said the man with an eye to the main chance “What's your idea of constructive riticism?” “Expert advice, gratis.” —Wuasnington Star. A New Truth terfere with your work?” “Not half as smoke,”” swers “Doesn't smoking in asked Brown wanting to London An much as replied Smith Under-Sees—The little man made his way back to the box office. “This seat number sounds like a German submarine; it's U-10,” he said “You don’t want to exchange it merely on that account asked the ticket man. », but I thought you might be able do you?” to supply me with a periscope to sce ov that big woman sitting just in front. Boston Transcript. Mighty Careless—Smith is mighty careless with the truth, isn’t he?” said Brown “Yes,” replied Jones. “Why, he'd try to deny it right after he had eaten a raw onion.”"—Knosville Journal and Tribune. A Soft Answer—" Sce here, Joh “Well?” “Mother noticed you down town to- day and you were looking at every pretty girl on the street.” “There were none in your class, dearie; I made careful comparisons.” What could she say after that?—New York Herald. Force of Habit—Park—I'll bet cookie that tall girl is a telephone ope tor Wood—Why? “T was at a fishing party with her the other day.” “T don’t gettcha.” “The first time she got a bite she yelled ‘line’s busy.’"—Youngstown Telegra: No Suiting the Laoy Jon—I thought The Guilty Conscience Bln I'll never go to a show with Gerty Giddi gad egain os long as I live.” Brunctta—What's wrong with Gerty? “A comedian on the stage sid some thing about a lot of sinks at home being full of dishes “Uh huh “And right away Gerty stood up and said, ‘Oh, you mind your own business.” ” —YVoungstown Telegram Not Quite Culpable [ | | PEOPLE | | Alternate Insomnia—Admiral Sims said at a dinner in Washington “And another frequent cause of di vorce is alternate insomnia.” “Alternate insomnia?” said a nerve islist incredulously.“ Pshaw, ad What the deuce is that?” Alternate insomnia.” the admiral explained, “is a complaint common to a great many husbands and wives. Which ever gocs to sleep first keeps the other awake all night snoring.""—Detroit Free Press It Has Happened Before—as his rel- atives and friends are aware, George Wharton Pepper is a non-smoker: ot long ago Mr. Pepper was about to entertain some distinguished guests whom he delighted to honor. His first move in the direction of their entertainment was to procure and send to the house some particularly choice Havana cigars, which “set him back” to the tune of fifty cents each. But it seems the cigars arrived before itwas made known at home that the guests were expected. That evening Mrs. Pepper said to her husband, ome cigars came for you to- day—evidently a gift from some one. Knowing you didn’t smoke, I gave them to men who were working in the house.” Philadelphia Ledger fly in auntie’s drawing-room, (London), 2 —I did see a comicbooks.com