Judge — July 26, 1919 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| DARKY- | @a isms fy Backwoods Currency—Into the gen- store of a village in Virginia there one day not long ago a diminutive darky, who laid upon the counter a single egg, and said “Boss, my mudder says please give her a needle for dis aig.” The storekeeper smiled. “Why,” he stid, “you can get two needles for an ose.” No, boss.” continued the darky. “my mudder don’t want no two needles; she says, please give me de change in cheese.” Harper's Ma Unanswerable— Harold Q. Anderson, journalist, who has more than his share of reputation as an orator and _ story teller, told the following the other night which he affirms is new: A tattered individual down South came to a river over which a colored ferry man operated a rowboat “T want to get across,” said the tramp. Three cents, suh,” replied the negro “T haven't three cents,” was the reply “but [certainly would like to cross that river.” “You wants to cross de river and yo" all ain't got three cents. Well, sub. Mr. Newlyrich Acquires Ancestors Prenez Better take this « age of you ‘eR he's the I a man wot ain't got three cents is jest as well off on dis side ob de river as on de other.” —New Vork Exening Post Liberty—"Once upponer time,” said Uncle Eben, “dar was a man dat said he wanted to be his own boss. He saved up enough so’s he didn’ owe nobody nuf fin’ an’ set out on an enjoyment trip An’ de car conductor said, * Step lively!” an’ de hotel clerk said ‘Go somewhere else!’ an’ de telephone said *Drop in yuh ten cents!” an’ de taxicab driver hollered “Git out’n de way!’ till finally he jes’ packed up an’ went back home where he wouldn't be ordered around so much.” Baltimore American The Careful Buyer SALESMAN: | SHIP Keeping Her Interested—The boss was giving instructions to a new clerk Now if you can’t wait on a Indy im mediately, give her somethirg to interest her.” “Eh?” “Ask her te hand mirrors.” examine one of our new Kansas City urnal. Under a Cloud— Shor Sulesman—Will you please, sir, ask some one else to wait Mrs. De Style in my p Floor Manager suppose so, but why? Shoe Salesman—V attended an after noon tea fight at her house one time and spilled a cup of hot Oc back.—Philadelphia Ledger on ee? ong down her A Change of Mind—Mr. Styles 1 was mistaken when I said you had no capacity for business. Mrs. Styles—1 thought you'd change your mind “You certainly have helped along the millinery and dressmaking business a whole lot.””— Yonkers Stat It Didn't Work—-" Attractive visitor you had just now.” “Yes.” said the impressionable busi- ness man. “She’s a book agent and the best looking person who has been about these premises in many a day.” “What's she selling?” \ life of Cleopatra. [ thought I might lead up to suggesting a little dinner for two by saying I liked the modern ‘vamps’ much better, but she merely fixed me with a cold stare, took my order for a copy of ‘Cleopatra’ and swept out Birmingham Age-Herald. Hopeful Fellow—"What is a biga mist, pa?” “An optimist, who is willing to take two chances.” —Washington Star Turned Out Badly—"Does Mrs. Dubwaite, in the course of a little dis. agreement, ever remind you of the men she might have married?” “No,” answered Mr. Dubwaite, “In an argument like that I would have a decided advantage.” “Why so?” “One of Mrs. Dubwaite’s former suit- ors is now doing time in the peniten tiary for embezzlement and two others are prominent Bolsheviki."”"—Birminghani tge-Herald. Eee comicbooks.com