Judge — July 26, 1919 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drown by Miwwax Pa Digest ofthe W orld’s Humor Thoughtle Answer \ cer tain Kansas City physician will never know just how near death he was the other day when, after a thorough exam ion of probably the brightest, sweet est and altogether supreme nine-months old baby in the world, the mother asked, “Well, what do you think about: my baby?” and he said, “Oh, it’s a normal child.” sas City Star The Bitter End—Mr. Schaffer and son were doing work in his line of busi- ness at Maywood Friday, and Mrs. Keck came down from Ewing and came home with them in the car. She had been to see her son Charlie, who had been ill for eleven weeks with stomach, heart trouble and mucus colitis and has had, in the last four weeks, several attacks »pendi citis and was taken to St. Mary pital in Quincy, where Dr. Schuilian can see him twice a day or oftener, if neces: sary. His relatives have very little hopes of his recovery, and if it is necessary operate on him, none whatever.—Pa myra (Mo.) Spectator The Right Prescription— Patron— Can you tell me what ails my wife? Doctor—She does not take enough out- door exercise She does not feel like it.” Truc; she needs toning up.” “What do you prescribe? “A new hat.” —New Orleans Times His Avowal—Tony Spagoni was hav- ing his throat examined at the infirm- ary. “Say ‘Ah-h-h-h,’” said the doctor. “Me no spik Englees,” said Tony.— Boston Transcript. Gracious But Tardy Jules, t've been thinking over the ument we had yesterd. u were right.”—Le R decided Extracts from a Coming Novel “Covering her head with an antioscula tion mask provided by the local board, she placed it on his shoulder.” “He tossed off his malted milk without a word.” **You fibber!’ he hissed through his regularly inspected teeth.”"—New York ning Post. Worm Turns—"* Doctor, I don’t quite understand this bill vou sent me.” “Well?” “You have one item here, ‘ Professional services, $5.’ That's clear enough. But what's this other charge, ‘Reading mat- ler, 35 cen Is that a war tax?” “No. That's to repay me for the magazine vou carricd off when you left Birmingham Age-Herald my office.” 7 “ON THE ,..& FARM _ ft” ‘y Bearing Up Well un’ get much work out of that hired man of mine,” said Mr. Cobbles. “Mevbe he’s troubled with dolce far “He may have it, but it don’t s trouble him none.”-—Birm Herald. Newlywed Style—A young farmer's bride who recently undertook the man. agement of the horticultural department of the farm writes the agricultural editor as follows: “What can I do to make my potatoes grow? I peeled them ever so carefully before planting them, but they haven't even come up yet.” Removing Care— Some genius has in- vented a gasoline plow that will move trol itself, while around in a circle and ¢ the farmer naps in the shade, If some other genius will ernment bond that will clip off its own coupons and cash them, the farmer's life will be relieved of another great hardship Wheeling Intelligencer. evise a gi Pecuniary Problems—" Are you go: ing to take any boarders this summer?” “No,” replied Farmer Corntassel “Everything the boarders eat goes up in value so much that we feel we could have done better if we had let ‘em stay in town and pay the market prices.” Wash Star Hard to Ph Farmers are ince rigible pessimists. Reminded of $>.26 wheat they say, “Yes, and lookit the ts in flapjacks! amount the hired help e Chicago News. comicbooks.com