Judge — July 5, 1919 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sweet Memories of a Tominy The Gloomy One—Bill, years ago—when I was in an office—I once heard the boss say, “You're discharged!” Bill, I’ll never hear them words again!—London Opinion. COURTING @ An Alibi—Her Husband—Did you take a $2 bill out of my vest pocket last night? Mrs. Snoops—Certainly not. Probably you don’t know it, but there was a hole in the pocket where you put it.— Wash- ington Star. ‘ Played Out—“ Let me carve the words ‘I love you’ on one of these forest mon- archs. Which tree would you suggest?”. “A chestnut,” replied the nonchalant girl—Kansas City Journal. Just a Hint—He (somewhat embar- rassed, after the car had stopped on & lonely road)—I can’t start my engine; the thing won’t spark.” She—Must be like some people I know. —The Olive Branch. Not in Wilhelm’s Class—‘‘Did Mr. Grabcoin refuse you the hand of his ° daughter?” “Not in so many words,” said young Dubson, “but when I asked him how he would regard me as a prospective son-in- law, he asked me if I had ever heard him express his opinion of the kaiser.” “Well?” “Not being quite as foolish as I looked I decided right then and there that it was time for me to be on my way.”—Birming- ham Age-Herald. : Tick, Tock—‘‘Is your watch going, George? ’she asked sweetly, stifling a yawn. “Yep,” answered George. “How soon?”-—Indianapolis Star. Returning Good for Evil—“Cholly tried to kiss me, upset the canoe, fell out, tuined his new suit and was nearly drowned. He's in the hospital now.” “Well?” “What should I do?” “T think you should go around and give him that kiss.""—Kansas City Journal. Hounding Papa—‘'Pop!"” “Yes; my son.”” “Is a dog more important than a man?” “Why, no, my boy.” “Well, why do they call a man a Dane and a dog a great Dane?”—Yonkers Statesman. For the Love o' Toodles—‘‘I have called, madam, in answer to your adver- tisement that you have found a dog. My wife thinks it isdher Toodles.” “And can you describe it to me?” “Well—er—not very well—you sec I never like to swear in the presence of a lady.”—Wichita Eagle. Safety in Silence—‘‘An intelligent looking dog you have there.” “Indeed he is,” said the proud owner. “Now, if that dog could only talk, the things he might say!” “Perish the thought. That dog has followed me into all kinds of places.”— Birmingham Age-Herald. Heard It, Anyway—Flatbush—I wish you'd get rid of that dog. Bensonhurst—Why? “Because he kept me awake growling when you got home last night late.” “That wasn’t my dog growling. That. .. was my wife.”— Yonkers Statesman. Conjugal Criticism “ Tiens, mon petit, a fapprendra a raconter dans le quartier que tun'es pas heureux en ménage! “T'll teach you to go telling the neighbors you're not happily married!"— Le Péle-Méle (Paris). 2 comicbooks.com