Judge — June 28, 1919 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHEEZES Spotting Francis—A young woman was telling a friend about an acquain tance, a young man named Francis, whom the second girl had never seen. “What sort of a chap is Francis, any how?” asked the listener. “Well.” the other replied, after a mo ment’s thought, “if ever you see two men in 2 comer and one looks bored to death, the other one is Francis.”"—Journal of the American Medical Association Diadems in Discord — Dentist seems to be the trouble today? Your face is all swollen? Patient —Why, some of my teeth have started a revolt and have picked on the crown you put on my back tooth Washington Star “Where Pants the Hart’ —"Oh Jones,” said the botanist. “I see a pair of overalls working in the field. I wonder if it’s a man or a woman?” “You say it's working? Then it’s a woman Richmond Times-Dis patch His Category—Florida’s soil is rich all over, gentlemen. Why, one year the people planted cattails, and lo and be. hold! the first thing they knew they had Catts for governor!—Speech of Gov. Catts at Mayors’ Conference Mealtime at Versailles De hond in den pot When the lid is lifted off the pot Not er (Ams The Right One—"I think Solomon should have pointed to the chicken rather than the ant as a model of industry.” “Why so?” “Because the chicken always comes up to the scratch when it is a ques- tion of making a living.”—Baltimore Imerican Hobbledehoy der marking ti turned soldier.” “No, he isn’t. That is Billings. He's a great ladies’ man and he is practicing to keep in step with the girls who wear nar- row skirts.”"—Wichita Eagle “See that fellow yon ne? He must be a re The Ear-wig Wags Club Pest (after a seemii suppose this must be the gi Fellow Member—Present company ¢: ble discourse upon the Channel Tunnel)—Yes, | on rec WAY- FARERS A Peace Hope—"I'm glad the war's over,” said the first tramp. “Why?” asked the other. “Now mebbe somebuddy'll have some old clothes to give away.”—Kansas City Journal. Proved It—Chief of Police Butler was jalking to the reporters about an old man who was lodged in the city jail as a fakir “He's one of the rawest workers we ever took up.” he declared, “and yet he is an uncanny judge of human nature. One day a woman stopped to read the sign hanging on his breast. It said, Help me, please. I am deaf and dumb.” “*My poor man,’ exclaimed the woman, ‘how long have you been af Hicted?" “The deaf and dumb man promptly replied ‘about twenty years, ma'am,’ and will you believe it, the old lady gave him half a dollar. “But the episode proved Tom's un doing, for an officer standing near by had seen the whole thing. When they brought him in I said: Tom, why did you make such a break?" ‘Well,’ said Tom, ‘a woman who's so foolish as to ask a question of a deaf and dumb man would naturally feel insulted if he didn’t answer her. How did I know a cop was right behind me?’ "—St. Louis Republic The Pendulumicks—"'I can’t go to jail,” said a funny vagrant. “I have no time.” “The court provides,” said the magis- trate, “that I give you ten days.”— Pearson's Weekly. Hazy Hillery—* My friend,” said the judge, “you are a trifle vague about your home. “T s'pose that’s the result of being a vagrant,” responded the party of the second part.—Kansas City Journal. Well Taken Before Shakin'—Tramp Beggin’ yer pardon, mum, but I've done me bit fer the country. Larst year I took over five ‘undred German prisoners meself, Lady—Oh! Then you have been a soldier? Tramp—N'not exactly, mum—I were a photographer.—Boston Transcript. comicbooks.com