Judge — May 3, 1919 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hunnish Irony Cuchs—Mr. Wilson, in the “Winter's Tale” Shakespeare speaks of “Bohemia’s coast” (Act 3, scene 2). We demand to have this coast of Bohemia.—Kladderadatsch (Berlin) Whatever That Means—RKoxleigh (who advertised for a chauffeur)—Got any recommendations as to your hon- esty? Applicant—The other night I was blackballed by the Chauffeurs’ Club.— Buffalo Express. The Wrong House—First Burglar— “How do you know the people who live here are rich? Second Burglar—They own two auto- mobiles. First Burglar—We're breaking into the wrong house. Where does the man live who repairs the two automobiles?— Wichita Eagle. Catching—Even the children are be- ginning to talk motor jargon. “Look, mother,” said a litule fellow, pointing to a hole in his stocking, “I’ve had a blow- out.” A little girl being asked how she managed to catch a chicken, replied, “I just runned him till his gas gave out an’ then I picked him up.” A third youngster who was usually slow in obeying his mother’s call came quickly enough when she called him to dinner. On her pointing this fact out to him, he said: “Oh, I always change to high when I come to meals.”—Boston Transcript. Zigzaggers—‘ A police court isn’t all grim and sordid,” remarked Judge White the other day. “Sometimes something really funny happens. Not so very long ago a chauffeur was brought in after hav- ing run down a man. “Did you know that if you struck this pedestrian he would be seriously in- jured?”’ T asked. “Yes, sir,” replied the chauffeur. “Then why didn’t you zigzag your car and miss him?” “He was zigzagging himself and out- guessed me, your honor,”’ was the an- swer.—Pittsburgh Sun. Not Till Rel ed — Penitentiary Guard (to foppish arrival)—Well, you're sure some moving picture, old top! Pickpocket—Rawther! Andofthe more exclusive variety, fellow. -enitentiary Guard—My word! Now for the proof, Watson? Pickpocket—I_ won’t be shown else where for thirty days!—Buffalo Express. Cold Neglect—"I suppose you think you could tell the peace delegates at Paris. exactly what to do.” “Yes,” answered the man who alway speaks in a discouraged tone; “but they probably wouldn’t do it.”—Washington Star. A Sense of Humor—A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own ab- surdities, as well as those of other people, will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, except those that are worth committing.—Ed. W’. Howe. How He Judged—“Miss Pacer is a very bright woman, judging by my interview with her.” “What did she say?” “Nothing much, but she approved of what I said.”—Portland Oregonian. Scot-free Egos—It turns out that Congress overlooked a great taxable com- modity: the “I’s” in interviews. cal America. Alarums and Excursions First Artit—Been doing anything lately? Second Artist—Oh! knocked off a couple of girls’ heads last week and finished off the Mayor of Mudmouth. Old Lady—Bolsheviks! !—London Opinion. comicbooks.com