Judge — May 3, 1919 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

: : : \ t “Have you a reliable “Certainly, sir “Good heavens SALESMANSHIP These Men Shoppers!—Boss—It seems to me you were an awfully long time selling that man such a small order of stuff. Saleslady—Long time me eye! If you'd had to Sherlock what he meant when he asked for two yards o’ “squirm” when it was scrim his jane sent ‘im after, may- be you'd been a little delayed yer own self!—Philadel phia Ledger. Business and Pleasure—Blondine— Did you have a good time at the dance last night? Brunetta—Kinda. “Who was that handsome chap I saw you with just after the intermission?” “He is a stranger in town.” * Dashing, isn’t he?” “Nerviest gink T ever seen.” “T noticed he had his arm rather tightly about you.” “T didn’t mind that so much.” “What then?” “Do you know why he had me clutched that way?” “Well, would you believe it, he had me that way so I couldn’t escape, and all the time we were dancing he was trying to sell me some life insurance.”—Youngs- town Telegram. ndon Mail. “Can Happen” There was a young lady who clerked In a store for six weeks, where she smirked At the young-fellow trade As the goods she displayed, But she never got reckless and worked. —Philadel phia Ledger. Strictly Business—‘“Flubdub says these lady barbers know their busi- ness.”” “ Elucidate.” “He went in for a flirtation, and came out with a shave, a shampoo, a haircut, and a singe. Kansas City Star. “When the Swallows Homeward Fly" listen to thy voice, thy face Esquetla (Barcelona). Realistic—“The Germans thought war was romantic and glorious,” said Brand Whitlock in a Toledo address “They're finding it a very sordid and dis appointing business. “The Germans are in the position of the young lady who was asked if her sea side love affair had been very romantic “*Romantic?’ she replied. ‘No, realistic, rather. Hubert and I cach thought the other was an immensely rich swell, and it turns out that he collects the monthly instalments on our near-silk parlor curtains.’ "—Detroit Free Press. Raised His Ante—Here is a story of Dan Leno, who probably made more money and gave more ot away than any comedian who ever lived. In the middle of one of his successful tours he ran up to town one Sunday and visited his. club. Addressing an old waiter, he said: “Maurice, how long have you been working for this club?” iver since it was started, Mr. Leno.” “And what was the biggest tip you ever received, Maurice?” “Two sovereigns.” “Well, my boy!” said Leno, “I'll make that fellow look foolish. Here's a fiver for you. And by the way, Maurice, what was the name of the fellow who gave you two pounds?” “Well, Mr. Leno,” sai he had secured the five-pound not was yourself, sir.”—Londoz Tit-Bits. Never Heard of Him—A motorcyclist. passing through Boscawen, N. H.. hap- pened to puncture a tire in front of the Daniel Webster homestead. An clderly native watched the repair operations, and when the job was finished asked the cy- clist if he cared to see the Webster home. “What Webster?” queried the trav ler. The old villager looked somewhat sur- prised, but answered with apparent pride: “Dan'l.” “Who was he?” questioned the mo- torist, seriously The old man turned om him in out- raged pride. “You don’t know who Dan’l Webster was? Why, Dan’l Webster was"—he paused with contempt on his lips, almost unable to speak—“why, Dan’l used to be one of our selectmen.”—St. Louis Globe- Democrat.