Judge — May 3, 1919 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

On the Edge of the Abyss e—Niet meer N No more EDUCATION Hard on the Patient—The professor at the medical college had been lecturing upon the strength and value of a certain medicine, and at the end of the talk began a short examination. “Now, sir,” said he, turning to one of the students, “in a case such as I have described, how much of the medicine would you administer and how often?” “A tablespoon every hour,” came the reply, There was a short pause, and then the student said hastily, “If you please, sir, I'd like to change my answer. I-e—” “Too late,” said the professor, so emnly. “Your patient is already dead.” Philadelphia North American. Uncertain—“ Well, Mr. Pedagogue, does my boy show any special aptitude for work?” asked the proud father. “T think so, Mr. Bronson,” answered the schoolmaster. “I am not certain as yet whether John will make a sculptor or a baseball player. He is unerring in his aim with paper wads, but the condi- tion of his desk top convinces me that he can carve with considerable facility.” —Philadelphia Inquirer. tenkraker (Amsterdam) Sure It Helps—‘Do you believe a college education helps a boy in business life?” “Sure Ido. My son was a champion sprinter at college, and now he has a posi- tion as bank runner.” —Baltimore Ameri- can. Both Getting Educated—“ The old man is giving Bill a liberal education.” “Yes, and Bill is certainly giving the old man an education in liberality.”— Boston Transcript. Strength of Mind Den aldrande holingen berd:tar for Fia med Fotens kusin om sin sista orgie pa Brattrys- temet:-—Brannoin fick vi inte, men du kan ge dej faen pa att vi fick senap som ‘The old toper is telling his friend of the last spree he enjoyed in war time. “We couldn't get brandy, but you can bet your boots we managed to get some strong mustard!” Strix (Stockholm). MATRIMONY Another—She—I was a fool to marry you. He—No doubt; but I’m not willing to let you bear all the blame. [asked you to.—Boston Transcript. Hopes for a Chance—The weary and pallid little man entered the drug store “Do you keep *Rixie’s Reviver’? asked he ” replied the druggist imme six bottles for my wife!” ried all other remedies withovt success, ch?” said the druggist, conver sationally 9; she ain't ill at all. But T sav in the advercisement where a wom wrote, after taking six bottles, ‘I an different woman!’ "—Baltimore Sun One Indication—When a wife begin getting in each other's way good deal, their love has a tendency grow cold.—Ed. W. Howe. Thoughtful Husband—AMrs. Fi. bush—Are you wearing those pretty penders, with flowers all over ‘em, I g: you for your birthday, Henry? Mr. Flathush—No, ¢ I was afraid the nail I’m using in place of a button would rust 'em.—Vonkers Statesman. No Escape—"‘Good morning. Mrs. Jagsby. We are peace delegates.” “Peace delegates?” “Yassum. Weweresent by Mr. Jagsby, who was unable to get home last night He wants us to arrange the armistice’ terms and settle on the size of the indem- nity he owes you.” “Umph! You teli Mr. jagsby if he doesn’t show up here in the next nour I'll come and get him. He's not in Holland.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. He Felt Guilty—Mrs. Pickett (apro- pos of nothing in particular)—Sometimes I think that Darwin was right. Mr. Pickett (startled)— cats! What have I done new?—Buffalo Express. Simply Attached—Smith—l lost my identity for two whole weeks last sum- mer. Jones—How did it happen? Smith—Spent my vacation among wife’s relations, where I was simply known as Anna’s busband.—Péhiladel- phia Inquirer.