Judge, 1919-04-12 · page 9 of 36
Judge — April 12, 1919 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Cost Plus Ten Per Cent" — Satirizing War Profiteers This story mocks wartime "cost-plus" contracting, where suppliers charged the government their expenses plus a percentage markup. A war profiteer recovers from influenza and receives bills from his doctor, pharmacist, nurse, farmer, and barber. Each provider adds inflated costs to their base charges, then tacks on ten percent. The doctor charges $450 for car repairs; the nurse adds $60 for a ruined dress; the farmer includes watchman fees for egg freshness; the barber incorporates a theft from his register—all justified as "lessons of the war." The satire targets how war contracts encouraged dishonest accounting: service providers bundle unrelated expenses into their bills, then profit further through the percentage markup. The profiteer, previously accustomed to such practices, is now on the receiving end, ultimately vowing to surrender his remaining assets to charity. The humor stems from cosmic justice—the war profiteer experiencing the system he exploited.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Cost Plus Ten Per Cent. By Neat R. O'Hara HE war profiteer re- covered from his attack of influenza and asked for the bills incurred by his illness. “Mine may seem exor- bitant,” said the family physician, “but there are ten calls at fifty dollars each, making a total of five hun- dred dollars. But in making my call on the twenty-first, my car collided with a mov- ing van and the repairs came to $450. That makes a total of $950, plus ten per cent., which equals $1045. You see I’m doing business on a cost-plus-ten-per-cent. basis.” The profiteer sighed and and wrote a cheque. “T had to send a sf messenger to West Vir- ginia for your medicine,” explained the family phar- macist. “The prescription itself was only twenty dol- lars, but the expenses of the trip were $125. That makes $145, plus ten per cent., which totals $159.5 Yes, everything is cost-plus-ten-per-cent. these days The profiteer grunted and signed a cheque. “My services are for two weeks at fifty dollars a week,” said the nurse, “but on the twenty-third I spilled soup and ruined a sixty-dollar costume. So that makes $110, plus ten per cent., which figures up to $121. Everybody’s doing it now.” The profiteer wiped perspiration from his brow and wrote a cheque. “The fresh eggs were eighteen dollars, twelve dozen at $1.50,” said the farmer, “but you were so particu- lar to have them fresh I had to hire a sort of watchman Dracn by ALM Drawn by A.B. Watcen A Wett-Connecreo Younc Lapy for the hens. He stayed two weeks, thirty dollars a week, which makes sixty dollars for the watchman, eighteen dol- lars for the eggs, plus ten per cent., and the total is $85.80. I learned that trick from the government contracts.” ‘The profiteer cursed under his breath and wrote a cheque. “I’m charging only $28 for fourteen visits I made,” said the master barber, “but while I was here on the twenty-fourth the bootblack rifled the cash register in my shop and got away with $42. So the grand total is $70, plus ten per cent., which comes to $77. You see I have to figure in the theft with the costs—it's one of the lessons of the war.” The profiteer swore audi- bly and wrote a cheque. Then he called his secretary. “Baldwin,” he said, “figure up my net assets, give ninety per cent. to charity and save the rest for me. ‘Then come back and take a telegram to the American taxpayers, care of the Secretary of the Treasury. I’m going to apologize for what little money I’ve got left.” Not Honored in the Breech One of the saddest sights in the world: a man who has been over the top five times, captured three boche machine-guns single-handed, and taken seven prisoners at the point of an empty pistol, trying to bluff the Q. M. sergeant into giving him a new pair of breeches to wear on leave. Her Rank Willis—Does your cook know her place? Gillis—You bet. She realizes that it is above everybody in the household except the baby. A Succestion—Wuy Doesn’t tue T. B. M. Try Tuts 1x His Orrice? comicbooks.com