Judge — April 12, 1919 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Impressive — Binkers — What's the idea of a little firm like yours with a mas- sive safe like that? Chinkers—It helps the morale of our creditors.—Boston Globe. Household Economy—Mr. Benson went to New York to business, but lived in Brooklyn. Often he was not able to get home in time for dinner at night. He told his wife that he would phone her every day as to whether he could leave the office or not. Mrs. Benson was of a very thrifty dis- position and the following was her solu- tion of the problem: “Sam, if you find that you can’t be home for dinner, phone me at exactly six o'clock. If the tele. phone rings at that hour I'll know it is you and that you are not coming for din- ner. I won’t answer it and you'll get your nickel back."”—Christian Advocate. Not His Stomach—Everybody has heard that old bald lie about the way toa man’s heart being through his stomach. If wife really wants to reach her husband’s heart, let her keep her dry goods bill within reason. Nothing in the world angers a man so much as a woman's dry goods bills, for the reason that half of nearly every dry goods bill represe’ pure and wanton waste of moncy.—Fd. Howe's Monthly. On cit orai- la branche. Pourcu que la branche soit She—How uncertain life is! I live just like a bird on a branch! He (to himself)—Gosh, some branch!—L+ Péle-Méle (Paris). Everything With Him—* Money isn’t everything.” “Maybe not, but right now it’s the only thing I can think of that I really need.""—Detroit Free Press Experience—* Has betting on the Untaught by your husband quit horses?” es.” replied young Mrs. “until the 15th of the month.” “Why the time limit?” “Charley doesn’t get paid again until the 15th, Washington Star. Torkins; Cancasser—Would you ask the lady of the house if I can supply her with a vacuum cleaner? Flossie—Thank you, but none of our vacuums require cleaning!—London Mail. Knows the Ropes—‘What sort of traveler is Twobble?” “An experienced one.” “How is that?” “He calls all the Pullman porters m and all the waiters ‘ George.’ "—Birming- ham Age-Herald. To Call the Bluff—Bronson—Most of the airs people put on about the bene- fits of foreign travel are all a bluff. Woodson—Yes. But you've got to travel yourself in order to be able to call the bluff.—Brooklyn Citizen. The Conductor's Grouch—“I don’t like the way this road is run,” said the able passenger. “What right have you to kick, com- pared to me?" said the conductor. “You only have to make this trip once in a while.”—Washington Star. Branching Out—“Does Mr. Jagsby care much about travel?” “He didn’t until recently. Jagsby used to be content to make a tour of the downtown district in a taxicab, but now that we are going to have a bone-dry nation, he’s talking of enlarging his itinerary to include a few of the European capitals."— Birmingham Age- Herald. How-de-do About Airships—The pretense that there is need for a mail service carried by airships is the purest Nonsense. It is one of the fool ideas we should get rid of, instead of encouraging The notion that there are business men who suffer because of the slowness of the present railway mail service, the best the world has ever seen, is piffle. If a man is in a hurry, there is the telegraph, which beats the flying ship a thousand to one in speed, and does not cost half as much. What we need to do now is to get rid of a number of Smart Aleck American ideas, and get down to real common sense and economy. The big. gest Smart Aleck of the lot is the airship mail service idea. The pretense is that it will make available the military ma- chines. The flying machine is an ex- pensive luxury; let those who want to play with it pay the expense. Let the military flying machines be junked. We have already wasted millions on the air programme, and should not continue it. —Ed Howe's Monthly. comicbooks.com