Judge — April 12, 1919 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Diseot of the Worlds Lamon ‘WET AND DR The Exception—“ Nothing is made in vain,” exclaimed the altruist. “Mebbe so,” rejoined Uncle Bill Bottletop. “But I’m sorry for anybody that has been puttin’ up a distillery.”— Washington Star. Toward the Bone-Yard—Ycast—I see several of our large stores are adver- tising big drives in towels. Crimsonbeak—Yes; it seems as though everybody’s helping along this move- ment to make us go dry.— Yonkers Statesman. 'Twas in the Fall—I often wonder why the public look at things from so many different angles. One day, when I was over at Connor’s office, waiting for an interview, Jay Gould was looking out of a window facing East. He called my atten- tion to a scene that I shall never forget. It was a man, staggeringly drunk,carrying a demijohn of whiskey in his hand, and pointing to him Jay Gould turned to me and laughed, “What a perversion of the old saying—‘United they fall, divided they would stand.’”—Magazine of Wall Street. Unconvinced—Tom Sprugs come our way Monday—the first time in a long time he’s been over; but when we told him all the moonshine stills had done gone dry, he didn’t believe it, and went a-huntin’.—Adams (Ga.) Enterprise. Incriminating—“I understand that none of the boys takes a drink now.” “No,” answered Three-Finger Sam. “'Tain’t safe. If you smell licker on a man’s breath now it’s a sure sign he’s been robbin’ a baggage car somewhere.” —Detroit Free Press. The Connoisseur ” Tiens, le restaurant a changé de ch “Hm! They've got a new chef Baionnette (Paris). For Instance?—The world can ill spare any vice which has obtained long and largely among civilized people. Such a vice must have some good along with its deformities.—Ed. Howe's Monthly. The Goods, All Right—First Gossip —Don'’t tell a soul, but I saw a whole barrel of whisky delivered to the Tope- leys’ this afternoon in broad daylight. Second Gossip—How’d you know it was whisky? First Gossip—Why, Topeley himself helped the delivery man handle it with care.—Buffalo Express. Troubles A-Plenty—“You should try to cultivate a spirit of optimism,” said the tireless moralizer. “It can’t be done in my business,” said the harassed looking man. “What is your business?” “T have charge of the liquor shipments for an express company.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. BAD BREAKS Dogged Criticism — ‘To prevent srowth of similar conditions in America, Congress muTs take such action as will put governmental affairs in constructive rather than a passing or questionable position.” —Charleston News and Courier. In the Oolong—Mrs. Thomas Hunter gave several clever toasts, and inter- spersed her talk with AnTIDOTES.—Chey- enne (Wyoming) Leader. On a Historical Occasion—After Justice Cohalan had withdrawn, the Presi- dent DECEIVED the delegation of twenty- five in the private office of Gatti-Casazza in the Metropolitan.—New York Evening Mail. Theatre Economy—‘ Next Week:— The New Farce, ‘NOTHING BUT THE BOX OFFICE OPEN AT 9.30.’ "—Ad. in Sheffield (Eng.) Telegraph. Absent-minded Brooklynite—“ Lost ... Pair of TROUSERS, GOING FROM FLATBUSH AV. DOWN 7TH 10 ST. JOHN’S PLACE.” —Brooklyn (N. Y.) Daily Eagle. Probably Permanent This Time— “De Croix is credited with carrying $900 on his person when last killed.” —Daily Bulletin, Valdez, Alaska. Police Intelligence—“ The police are trying to find out whether Pete Dishkent BLEW HIS OWN BRAINS OUT OR COMMITTED sorcipe.”—Montreal Weekly Herald. Single and Simple—“ When Private O’Shayne returned from overseas yester- day morning he was a SIMPLE man; in the afternoon he married Miss Laura Clarkson.”"— Vancouver, B. C., World. comicbooks.com