Judge — April 5, 1919 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

es “Now, Bett in the glass? “Oh, yes! LAWYERS His Source of Information—An at- torney was examining a witness and chanced to ask him about the char- acter of the dead man who figured in the case, to which the witness re- plied: “He was a man without blame, be- loved and respected by all, pure in all his thoughts and—” “How did you learn that?’” demanded the judge. “TI read it on his tombstone,” was the disconcerting reply.—Los Angeles Times. Foregone Conclusion—“Do you think the fair defendant will be ac- quitted?"”” “Well, the jurors look envious every time her lawyer whispers a word in her shell-pink ear.” “Ab! In that hear the verdict. Herald. I won't wait to Birmingham Age- The Distance—Counsel—Come, sir, do you mean to tell me you didn’t see the complainant’s cow on the land? How near must you be to a beast to recognize it? Witness—About the distance I am from you.—Houston Post. don't you know where little girls go to who are always looking at themselves To the theatres.""—Passing Show (London) Doing His Best —Cross-examining Lawyer—Are you telling the truth? Badgered Witness (wearily)—As much of it as you will let me.—Boston Tran- script. Always Hopeful—‘“ The Judge gimme six months. You said you'd get me acquitted.”” “TI know I did,” admitted the lawyer. “And since I fell down on that promise, I'll agree to get you pardoned.” “How long will that take?” About six months.” — Philadel phia Bul- letin. Legally Speaking—If a man were to give another an orange he would sim- ply say: “I give you this orange.” But when the transaction is intrusted to a lawyer to put in writing he adopts this form: “I hereby give and convey to you, all and singular, my estate and in- terests, right, title, claim and advantages of and in said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp and pips, and all rights and advantages therein, with full power to bite, cut, suck and otherwise cat the same or give the same away with or without the rind, skin, juice, pulp or pips, anything hereinbefore or hereinafter or in any other deed or deeds, instrument or instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in any wise notwithstanding.” And then another lawyer comes along and takes it away from you.—Journal of the American Medical Association. fF WHEEZES Went Away from There—Ezra (of Yaptown)—While you were in the big city, Uriah, did you see any of them there sweat shops I’ve heard so much about? Uriah—More’n I wanted to, b'gosh! That there fresh city nephey o’ mine inveigled me into a Turkish one, but I hollered so durn loud they had to let me out before 1 wuz fin'ally dissolved!— Buffalo Express In 1940—“Look what we found in the attic, mother, it’s a pair of overalls.” “Yes, dear. Put them back in the trunk where you found them.” “They are of no use to anybody now, are they, mother No, but they are a family heirloom. Your grandmother wore them during the great war.”’—Birmingham Age-Herald. Flaw'in His Argument—* Who ate that salmon?” “The cat, I guess.” “Bosh!” “Now, my dear, everybody knows that a cat likes salmon. “Yes, but a cat *t manipulate a can-opener.”—Courier-Journal. Inexcusable mment, cous aver laissé briler le gigot; ce n'est pas la peine d’avoir un pompier dans la cuisine!” “What! You have let the leg of mutton burn? What's the use of having a fireman in the kitchen?”—Le Péle-Méle (Paris). comicbooks.com