Judge — March 29, 1919 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

When Words Fail <n wie heeft nog iets wegen in te brengent Bolshevit—And what can you say against these arguments?—Notenkraker (Amsterdam) < eS ere I sD. TOUGH-HIDES Confirmed Croker ways knocking Hicksville.” “Then why doesn’t he move away?” “He says he’s spent years finding out what's the matter with Hicksville. If he moved to a new town he'd have to start all over again.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. “Glipping is al- Foolish Man—Ar. Spatt (during the argument)—I tell you, woman, I’ve got to get some new clothes right away—and that goes! Mrs, Spatt—Suit yourself! And may you look so prosperous that the first night you venture out alone you'll be held up and robbed of your carfare!—Buffalo Express Gave Him an Excuse—Mrs. Town- tey—It said in the paper that whisky can be made of sawdust Mrs. Subbubs—My husband read that, and I wished he hadn’t. He’s such a tem- perance crank he vowed he'll never saw another stick of wood.—Boston Tran- script. Queer Beast—“ Man is the only ani- mal that uses tobacco,” said the prohibi- tionist who had joined the Antitobacco League. “Yes,” replied the Rounder. “And he is also the only animal that is always minding other people’s _ business. Knoxville Journal and Tribune. Capable of Improvement ~— “Wanted,” says an advertisement in the Akron Beacon-Journal, “an advance salesman with a convalescent personal- ity.” At first glance, this seems to be a typographical error of some sort. But as you study it, a purpose begins to emerge. Surely, a convalescent sales- man is a salesman that gets better all the time. And that’s the kind that fills a long felt want. "Tis fine description.”"— Cleveland Plain Dealer. The Golden Age “The older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune.” rday Journal (London). In These Times—“ Experts claim there is a science of salesmanship and a psychological moment for closing a sale.” “You bet. And the psychological moment is when you can get the clerk to wait on you.”—Kansas City Journal. Bald Optimism—“ That baldheaded man who just went out is the greatest optimist I ever met,” said the Druggist. “That so?” asked the Customer. “Yes,” replied the Druggist. “When I guaranteed my brand of hair restorer he bought a bottle and bought a comb and brush because he figured he’d need them in a few days.”—Cincinnati En- quirer. THE OLD SOD Right off the Bat—* O'Brien, Oi hov wan for yez._ If a man is born in Lapland, lives in Finland an’ dies in Poland, phwat is he?” “That’s aisy. Transcript. A car-r-rpse.""—Boston Got Him Wrong—A Red Cross worker accosted a big, good-natured workman at the north end of the Market Street viaduct Monday morning, and a button and credentials soon changed id the girl. Ty hands are soiled,” said the man, “you better sign it for me “Shall I mark it duly paid?” “No,” said the man, “you've got me wrong. I ain’t Dooley. Just put down ‘Hennesy paid.’”—Youngstown Telegram. Pat's Alternative—An Irishman pre- sented himself before a Liverpool magis trate to seek advice. “Sor,” he said, “I kapes hens in my cellar, but th’ wather pipes is bust, an’ me hens is all drownded.”” “Sorry I can’t do anything for you,” said the magistrate; “you had better ap- ply to the water company.” A few days later Pat again ap- peared. “Well, what now? What did the water company tell you?" queried the magistrate. “They tould me, yer honor,” was the reply; “to kape ducks.” —Tit-Bits. His Coupons Fritz—I vos entitled to a good feed mit all dose coupons, yes—no?—Evening News (London). comicbooks.com