Judge — March 29, 1919 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

D An Old Bird When I was a boy,” said the loquacious waiter, “we kept ‘kens, and each one had a name.” “And how old are you now?” asked the diner, doing strenous work with his knife on a bird “Nearly sixty, sir.” “Well, perhaps you recall the name of this chicken?"”"—Yonkers Statesman. Spilt Milk— spilt milk.” “My friend, that remark originated when milk wasn’t ten cents a pint.”— Washington Star. You shouldn't cry over His Haste—IVaiter—All right, sir, all right. You'll get served in time. Diner—I dare say I shall; but I'm anxious to get through this meal before the prices rise again.—London Tit-Bits, MOVIE S&S Satisfied—“ Anyhow, wife got one present she doesn’t want to exchange.” “What was it?” “A season ticket to a movie show.”— Detroit Free Press. Credulity—‘“‘Docs Bliggins _ believe everything he reads?” . “He goes further than that. He be- lieves everything he sees in the moving pictures.” —Washington Star. Sad Case—“ Poor Gadspur!” s his wife extravagant?” Vorse than that.”” “Dear me!” “She thinks her marriage to Mr. Gad- spur was an irreparable loss to the movies "—Birmingham Age-Herald. Its Superiority—The Chaplin brand of comedy may not please everybody, but no one will dispute its superiority over the old-fashioned kind that used to demand green whiskers.—Voungstown Telegram. Music and Pictures—“ Is she fond of music and pictures?” asked the friend. “T should say so,” replied the adoring young man. “She doesn’t think any *Twas Ever Thus cover the ‘phone—Hullo! Is that you, darling Darling—Yes. Who is that speaking? London Mail. Pie—“ What is this cap-a-pie?”’ asked the movie comedian. “Tt alludes to a knight’s garb in the I thought maybe it was some- thing we could use in our biz.” —Kansas City Journal. In the Movies—“I should like to sce your ‘wild and woolly west,’ ”” remarked the English visitor. “Then step in here with me.” “But this is a cinema show?” “Correct. And that’s the only place where you can sce the ‘wild and woolly west’ now.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. 3] woRD 5S Siphonated—For sheer simplicity of phrase and conception few have sur- passed that delightful old lady who, with a shrewd twinkle in her eye, inquired whether “ ‘Soda-water’ should be written as two separate words, or if there should be a siphon between them?” —A ustralian Soda Fountain Journal. Hopeless Longings—There are two things we never will get over wanting to One is somebody hoist with his own ard, and the other is somebody taking up the cudgels in defense of something or somebody else —Macon Telegraph. Of Course—Examiner—Well, my good boy, can you tell me what vowels are? First Boy—Vowels, zur? Ess, of course I can. Examiner—Tell me, then, what are vowels? First Boy (grinning at the simplicity of the question)—Vowels, zur! Why, vowls be chickens.—Farm and Home. Day Dreams: the air, old mai “Not that, precisely, but something of the sort. I was just wishing I had a con- tract to pave Easy Street.—Detroit Free Press. “Building a castle in Seats at a Conference les grandeurs.”” Parce que vous 1 quiils ous pare “There are all sizes, I see.” ez pas Coeil diplomatique; si cous avies Uoeil diplomatique, cous verries movie theater is complete without an orchestra.” —Washington Star. haven't a diplomatic eye; if you had, you —Le Rire (Paris). “If it looks that way to you, it’s because yo would observe that they were ail exactly equal. comicbooks.com