Judge — March 15, 1919 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BAD BREAKS PF an Awful Lot One-Eyed—'Way down in the yards, where the red and green of the switch lamps gleamed on the rails, appeared a single point of white. Ten thousand necks craned up- ward and forward and 10,000. cyes sought a first glimpse of the train which was bringing the boys.—South Bend. Ind., News-Times. Transportation — The Government will pay them $1,200 a year fo run elevators to carry Congressmen and Senators up and down irs at the Capitol ——New York Evening Journal. A School of Theda Bara's—The highest wage paid to women shoe work- ers is to the vampires, who receive twenty-three cents an hour.—Clinton Advertiser. His Yankee Harem—The Kitchenet Club of Brown street with their husband and a few friends enjoved a theatre party Saturday evening. — Berkshire Co. (Mass.) Eagle. CANNY SCOTS Losing No Time—It was late in the afternoon when the Scotch minister ar- rived at the farmhouse. The housewife suggested that perhaps he would like a cup of tea before he began the “ exercises.”” “Na, na,” said he, “I aye tak my tea better when my work is done. You can put the pan on and leave the door ajar, an’ I'll draw to a close in the prayer when I hear the haam fizzin’."— Boston Tran- script. The Light of Love—The great short- age of matches reminds The Edinburgh Scotsman of this stoi A widower had engraved on his wife’s tombstone the words, “The light of my life has gone out.” A little later he married again, and one Sunday was standing with No. 2 before his first wife’s grave. Reading the above sentiment, the lady inquired in a rather huffed tone. “Is that SO. “Yes,” replied he, “but I’ve struck another match!"”—Truth Seeker. Spiritual Counsel une fois, monsieur le pe 1, racontez-moi la parabole de cau change nce more, parson, tell me that parable of the water changed into wi Wasted Patience—He was a green Scottish lad, and one of his duties was to answer the telephone. When first called on to do so, in reply to the usual query, “Are you there?” he nodded assent. Again the question came, and again and yet again, and cach time the boy gave the answering nod. When the question came for the fifth time, however, the boy, losing his temper, roared through the transmitter: “Man, are ye blin’? I’ve been noddin’ ma heid aff for the last half-oor.""—Boston Transcript. Exclusive “This ain't the right bar; I can’t sce any ladies in there." —Tatler (London). A Bid for Baldness—Sandy and Ikey had a dispute at the front as to which of their races had produced names the most famous in history. An odd bet it was. For h great name that Sandy named of a Scot whom histery had honored he was to pull out one of Ikey’s hairs, and Ikey was to have the same privilege. “Do ye begin!” said Sandy. “Moses!” said Ikey, and pulled “Bobbie Burns!" said Sandy, and returned the compliment. “Abraham!” said Ikey, and pulled again. “Ouch! Duggie Haig!” said Sandy. And then Ikey grabbed a handful of hairs atonce. “ Joseph and his brethren!" he said, gloating a bit as he ears starting from Sandy’s 5 “So it’s pulling them out in bunches ye are!” said Sandy. “Ah, well, man—" and he reached with both hands for Ikey’s thatch. “The Hieland Brigade!” he roared, and pulled all the hairs his two hands would hold!—Harry Lauder. No Miracle—A Scottish preacher, trying to explain to an old lady the meaning of the Scriptural expression, “Take up thy bed and walk,” informed her that the bed was simply a mat or rug easily carried away. “Na, na,” was her reply, “I canna believe that. The bed was a regular four-poster. There would be no miracle in walking away wi’ a bit o’ mat or rug on your back.” —London Tit-Bits. comicbooks.com