Judge — March 15, 1919 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Triumphal Archness: By Lawton Mackall look back over your shoulder RE_ you irresistible? Have you the win- ning way? Can you enter a draw- Ing-room or a d rectors’ meeting with an ai Stiow Shop | to see that you are being noticed. It is a system anyone can use. Suppose, for example, that you arrive late to a that will make all present L hold their teacups or c poised while they gasp at the éclat of your personality? In short, have you the magnetic manner? If nor, you'll be a bookkeeper or a back number forever. ‘To be sure, no one is born irresistible. Even Leo Ditrichstein met with repulses at the age of seven, and Theda Bara was nearly twelve before she had disin- tegrated a bank official. The winning way has ‘to be learned. Hence books on Power; and dark Hints to Salesr and bluff-swinging exercises; etiquette columns women’s fashion magazines enabling any g¢ for fifteen cents to cut her rival along the dotted line; and finishing schools where each diligent daughter of the Socially Safe learns how to compass some man’s finish r myself I have had very few opportunities of attending a finishing school or being otherwise finished, and have encountered the science of salesmanship only when in process of acquiring such treasures as an asthmatic pianola and a suburban lot with mosquitoes— and then I was less a student than a hypnotic subject. But recently I have found a means of overcoming this handicap of education. I am attending night school. For there are in this city hundreds of persons called chorus girls who every evening give demonstrations of the technique of pleasing. By watching them carefully you can learn a great deal. The Winter Garden is a profitable institution to attend, if you have an aptitude for figures and solid geography. This may be followed by higher, post-thea- tre studies with Pro- fessor Ziegfeld or Dr. Ed Wynn. You learn, for example, that brains are optional, and complexion no trouble at all. De- portment is the thing that counts. If you are tall, try to simulate a floor lamp. Have a parasol, even larger than your picture hat, carelessly strewn over your shoulde Be statuesque. If you are short, keep prancing about. You are sure to at- tract attention if you kick high enough and Lillian Leitwl, rope shinier (no, not shimmicr) of the Ziegfeld Institute. This picture shots her solacing a captive balloon. formal reception. You have been detained downtown on law business. The salon is full of people talking ani- matedly and not thinking of you at all. You must impress them. Haughtily tossing your coat, hat, and cane to the wardrobe minions, you attach your fan dango of three-foot ostrich plumes to your head, couple on your spangled train and sweep swayfully into the room. You will create an impression even though with noblesse oblige you refrain from singing. Or suppe the affair is a musicale. Madame Risotto is trilling a pretty trifle about the wings of love: When she begins the gargle at the end of the second verse, skip suddenly into the room with fetching abandon and whirl about until you have made your effect; then clasp some departing guest about the middle and prettily lockstep out of the room with a parting kick at the hostess. You may be sure she will not forget you. Don’t worry about costume. Any fancy couch cover or lambrequin draped from the shoulder will do. The rest you can buy already knitted. It is strange, when the predilection of the average banker or broker for charm and engaging personality well known that theatre managers are able to cater to it infallibly, downtown business men have been so slow to realize their opportunities. The promoter who approaches a big financier with the specifications of a newly invented non-leakable sink will stalk into the private office and attempt to interest the great man in the same old stereotyped way, doing nothing to lighten the executive’s matter-of-fact mood. How different it would be if he swung into the sanctum with that irresistible strut—right foot for- ward, catch, forward; left foot forward, cateh, forward; etc.—his arms out- stretched and un- dulating gracefully About his bare left elbow he would wear the blue prints rolled muffwise. Before the applicant had _ pa- raded around the desk enough to geb winded, the grim financier’s knitted brows would unravel genially, and instead of gruffly using the fire extinguisher he would say, “Have a cigar, you make me dizzy!” is so comicbooks.com