Judge — March 15, 1919 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SEX Sweet Innocent!—AMrs. Youngbride (at the grocer’s)—I'll take a few of those beets if they are live ones. Clerk—Live ones, ma'am? Mrs. Youngbride—Yes, | must have live ones. has no use for Transcript. I heard my husband say he Boston dead beets. A Mean Slam—“ Mabel, how do you think I'd look if I covered my ears with my hair?” “Have you enough hair?”—Kansas City Journal. Purely Feminine—Mr. Wheeler was a philosopher. “There is one thing [I can’t understand,” he remarked to his friend Beaman. “What is bothering you now?” asked the friend. “If a man is two hours late arriving home his wife raises a regular row,” explained the philosopher, “while if he is gone two years she will give him a royal welcome. Women are certain- ly peculiar, Beaman."—Detroit Free Press quite Back from the War ! That was the way | pictured you."—La Baionnette (Paris), Ominous Outlook—‘What's wrong?” “I'm up against it for a stenographer.” “T thought you had a good one.” “T have, but unless I marry her I fear I'll lose her. And if I do marry her she probably won't stenog.”— Kansas City Journal. Ouch!—Ella—Haven't I seen you in that gown before? Bella—1_ think not! only at fashionable affairs! I've worn it Cartoons. Good Financial Standing “Why, Maggie, Sandy's growing a fine pair of legs in his old age.” “Nae doot they're looking gey big. Ye see, sir, it's whaur he keeps his War Bonds!” Passing Show (London). WET AND DR Misunderstood—Tommy Atkins was coming home from Palestine. He hoped to arrive in time for the christening of his youngest, for he had in his pocket a flask of water from the River Jordan. There was a little delay, however, and when he stepped from the train at the home sta- tion he learned that the christening per- haps had already begun. He arrived breathless at the church, drew the flask from his pocket and offered it to the officiating clergyman. The latter held up a warning hand. Not now, my man,” he said softly “Perhaps after church is out.""—Boston Transcript. The Flow of Language—* That ora tor seems intoxicated by his own clo 1 an auditor. c y it’s so easy for him to be a prohibitionist,” replied Uncle Bill Bot- tletop. “He doesn’t need any regular licker.” —Washington Star. A Tactical Blunder-— The Berlin Reds made a tactical blunder in turning a brewery into a fort. It was bound to be taken.—-New York World. G O L F Every One Counts—“Look here Hoggatt,” exclaimed the irascible old golfer, “if you don’t stop your infernal chatter I'll crack you over the head with this brassie.”” “All right, Morris, swing away,” was the calm response, “ but remember this- it'll cost you a stroke.”"—Boston Tran script. Matters of Importance—“ Young woman, I have waited here three-quarters of an hour to see Mr. Wadson. How much longer will I have to wait?” “T can’t tell you, sir. He's very busy.” “Would you mind finding out?” “Indeed I would, sir. Mr. Wadson is chairman of the grounds committee at the Country Club. He and the other members of the committee are discussing plans for improving the golf links. I wouldn’t dare to interrupt him now if a million dollars were at stake." —Birming- ham Age-Herald, comicbooks.com