Judge — March 1, 1919 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Vee Fee MATRIMONY Deceived—* Poor Maud! She got cruelly deceived when she married that old man.” “Didn’t he have any money “Oh, yes, plenty of money; but he is ten years younger than he said he was.” —Boston Transcript. Amenities—“ You poor Domestic fish! afterward became a millionair “Lknow it. He often buys me a drink in a commiserating sort of way.” Kansas City Journal. I could have married Wombat who The Right Man—“They say Miss Highstrung is going to marry an army officer.” “Well, I should think that a man who makes a business of war might be able to get along with her.’’—Boston Tran- script. Affection—*“ Honeymoon, ch? Pretty happy, ch?” “That's what so frequently that he to smoke a cigarette.” rier-Journal. he bride kisses him n't get a chance Louisville Cou- Looks Suspicious—Mrs. A.—My husband wanted to select a hat for me. Mrs. B.—Perhaps he wanted to get even with you for selecting his ties.— Boston Transcript. World Size IL Paprone—Come sei diventanto grande! His Boss—How big you have grown!— L'Asino (Rome). “Sweet and Low” “What time did Captain Lovelace go last night? “No, Dad; he didn’t say it."—Saturday Journal (London). Added Years—IWVife—Tomorrow will be my twenty-sixth birthd: Hubby—Why, a year our wedding, you told me you were twenty-two. Wife—Yes, but we women age rapidly after marriage.—Boston Transcript. just before Home Helpfulness—“I was tempt- ed,” said Mr. Meekton, “to give Henrietta a moving picture machine for Christmas.” “Ts she to lecture?” “Not in public. But I had an ic be some of those long talks she me would be more interesting if they were illustrated.”"—Washington Star. a that ves So It Goes—“T tell my wife she’s per- fect, but she evidently doesn’t agree with What makes you think that?” his bill for false hair and cosmetics ays adding improvements.” ty Journal. Measuring John’s Industry—* They say your husband is so lazy you can’t depend on him to wind the clock,” re- marked the crude woman. “No,” replied the patient woman. “John isn’t that lazy. He can wind an ordinary clock, but I wouldn’t expect him to stay at work long enough to wind one of these cheap tin watches.” —Washing- ton Star. She Knew Better—Milliner—I know that hat would please your husband. Customer—Not unless you took $20 off the price.—Kansas City Journal. I did not hea: “My husband is so jeal- Feminine ous.” “How absurd!” “Why, isn’t yours?” “Of course not.” “How humiliating!" —Boston script. Tran- Great Pun, This—‘ There were two actresses in an early play of mine,” said an author, “both very beautiful; but the leading actress was thin. She quarreled one day at rehearsal with the other lady and she ended the quarrel by saying, haughtily: “Remember, please, that | am the st “*Ves, I know you're the star,’ the” other retorted, eying with an amused smile the leading actress’s long, slim figure, ‘but you'd look better, my dear, if you were a little meteor!"’—Detroit Free Press. A Helpful Spouse—Hub—What did you do with all those unpaid bills, Alice? Wife—I saw they were beginning to worry you, dear, so I destroyed them.— Boston Transcript. Hard Stunt—Flatbush—Did you ever try to get your wife to try to count ten before she spoke? Bensonhurst—Oh, ves. But I think it is an impossibility.—Vonkers Statesman. comicbooks.com