Judge — February 22, 1919 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BAD BREAKS Liberal Minded—Dr. A. L. Black wood delivered the #ACCHANNALIAN ser mon to the graduates of Westville, last Sunday.—Calumet (N. Y.) Record. The Coats of the Stomach—Danicl Kraft was taken to the Post Graduate Hospital on Tuesday, where he expects to go under an operation for ulsters of the stomach.—Oyster Bay Pilot. Twisted—A prominent local busi ness man, to fill an order from a local customer for an ice plow, an instrument used in ice-cutting operations, had to telephone. This is the message the mer chant read to the girl at the other end of the wire: “Send us by express an ice plow complete with tongs and _ rail There was some difficulty in carrying on the conversation, owing to trouble with the telephone, but the girl assured the merchant that she had the message all in good shape. “Guess it would be well to read it back to me,” the merchant suggested, 1 matter of precaution. This is what he heard: “Send us by ex press a nice cow complete with horns and tail."—Danbury News Some Hem—‘This skirt is cut on straight lines, the HEM measuring a few inches over TWO YARDS, so that it is quite casy for walking.” —London Tit-Bits What Would Euclid Say?—“ Marshal Foch advanced a few steps and addressed the THREE-SIDED square into which the company had formed itself." London Star Should Be Hitched to a Post “Stravep, from Uldale Mill, a Gent's Bieveie. Last seen on the road between Bassenthwaite and Peter House.”"—West Cumberland (Eng.) Times Free Bank Notes—At the conclusion of the reception the Rank played the Marscillaise and the crowds loudly cheered.”—London Evening Standard. Enamel in Her Makeup—"No rouge could conceal the PEARLY brilliancy of her complexion.”"—Story. by E. Phillips Op- penheim, in Nash's Afag Early Profanity—‘ Witness denied that a greyhound was no good for CURSING after it was three or four years old."— London Globe. The New Influence Truculent Lady (to perfect s The Vicar's Break—A vicar was in- vited to dinner at the house of one df the leading men in the town. At the dinner table he was placed opposite a goose. The lady of the house was seated on the vicar’s left. Seeing the goose, he remarked: all I sit so close to the goose?” Finding his words a bit equivocal, he turned round to the lady and said, in a most inoffensive tone: “Excuse me, Mrs. Blank, I meant the roast one.””——-London Tit-Bits Doesn't Like Dark Meat A white girl for cooking Pittsburgh Gazette- Times. A Prince There Was nan a blinkin’ good “idin’ for votin’ for the wrong party. Which did you vote for?—Passing Show (London) Not a Complete Success—‘I told her that she and her daughter might well be taken for sisters. Phat stuff goes good.” “Yes, it went good with mother, but I lost out with the girl.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. A War Dilemma—“ Belle is in an awful fix. “What's the matter?” “Every army fellow she’s engaged to got through without a scratch and is com- ing home soon to marry her.”’— Baltimore American. Inappropriate—The captain was ex plaining to the visitors what he would do in case of shipwreck in mid-ocean “We'd burn red fire and send up rockets,” he said. “But wouldn't that be a rather unusual time to brate?”” asked an innocent young thing.— Boston Transcript. Unfortunate Delay—“If you refuse to marry me I'll enlist.” “What a pity you did not ask me four years ago." —Sydney Bulletin. To the Purpose—‘ What is the last thing that girl’s got her finger into?” “TL think it’s a diamond engagement ring.”—-Baltimore American. Gerned = comicbooks.com