Judge — February 15, 1919 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

O Right at Home— the golf enthusiast, “is what we call a putt.’ “If this game has puts and calls,” de- clared the Wall Street man, “I’m gonna like it.”—Kansas City Journal. * explained A Necessary Step—Judge—What are the prisoners charged with? Policeman—They are a couple of golf- ers who got into a scrap over a stroke, your honor. Judge—Send for the court interpreter. ~Boston Transcript. Valuable Asset—“Did the distin- guished visitor go a singing the praises of your town?” “No,” replied the chairman of the re- ception committee. “I’m afraid he was a bit disappointed in the industrial growth of our town, but he made one remark in which we can all justly take pride.” “What was that?” “He said we had the finest golf links in seven states.’—Birmingham Age- Herald. At the Banquet of Nations “Je suis pourtant une coisine de table able? On peut me parler sociologie, chim mathématiques!” “Tout ce que cous coudre=, ous son entre gens bien: avec la enue de diner, nows ne portons mi sabres, mi bottes, mi éperons.” “But [am an agreeable partner at table. I can converse about sociology, chemistry and_ mathematics.” “That's all- very well, but we are among particular peoples here, and with dinner cos- abres, boots and spurs aren’t being La Baionnette (Paris). Beating the H. C. L.—Here is how one frugal Frenchman lived on the small sum of five francs a week. “Eet is sim- ple, vaire simple,” he explained. “Sun- day I go to ze house of a good friend and zere I dine so extraordinaire and eat so vaire much I need no more till Vednes- day, On zat day I have at my restau- rant one large, vaire large, dish of tripe and onions. I abhor ze tripe, yes, and ze onion also, and togezzer zey make me so seek I have no more appetite Sun- day. Eet is vaire simple.”"—Boston Tran- script. A Minor Operation “Well, doctor, do you think it is anything serious?” “Oh, not at all. It is merely a boil on the back of your neck, but I would advise you to keep an eye on it ydney Bulletin. Sardines in Oil—Take a box of sar- dines in the right hand. With the other take the key and slip into it the metal tongue. Turn briskly until the key breaks, which will be soon. Then feel in your pocket for your knife and punch a hole in one side of the box. To do this right it’s essential that the oil squirt copiously into your face. Enlarge the hole. As you have probably caught cold by this time, change your clothes and serve with bread.—Le Voltigeur (Paris). A Dainty Appetite—“ Dearest,” he murmured, as soon as they were seated in the high-priced restaurant, “you can have anything you want on the bill of fare. Shall I read it off to you?” “No,” she replied hungrily, “just read it off to the waiter.” —Boston Transcript. A Leading Question Nowadays. * Jeanne, coulex-cous dire ma femme?” “Que faisies vous, Monsieur, dans la journée du 18 Juillet, 1918?” “ Jeanne, will you marry me?” “What were you doing, Monsieur, on July 18, 1918?"—Lectures Pour Tous (Paris). BAD BREAKS Graft Again—“Allicd — diplomats would Loot with favor on a group of small democracies in the heart of Eu- rope.”"—Nashville Evening American. The Latest Car Model—“ Wanted, « boy to go errands and make himself u: ful. Also youth to MLK and wash MoTOR- car.—Newark Advertiser (Ad.). Greatly Endowed—“A pretty wed- ding took plage on Thursday. . . . The PARENTS were numerous and useful.— North Devon (Eng.) Journal. Where Is Little Nellie Now? “Losr.—Gold wristlet watch (NAMED Netty).”—Pindar (India) Mail Ad. She Forgot Something—“An hour after the discovery the DEAD woman was on her way home.”—“ Cheerful Library No. 580.” Abolishing Sex Distinctions—* Mrs. McEwan, talking as though she were chatting at the tea-table, interested an audience of half women and _ half men very much.”—London Evening News. | 4 i f =e eee. comicbooks.com