Judge — February 8, 1919 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

eT, WHEEZES His Own—Mrs. Spendall (looking up from newspaper)—What's a sinking fund, Arthur? Mr. Spendall (fiercely)—Mine is! Buffalo Express. Backwoods Philosophy—** You don’t need a dog license unless you got a dog, 1a marriage license gits you a wife.” Well?” “Buta hunting license don’t guarantee nuthin’.""—Kansas City Journal. summer Token—" Did your sum- give you anything to remember. her by?” “Oh, yes; she gave me one of her bathing suits and I have worn it in the back of my watch ever since.” —Florida Times-Union. JOURNALISM Some Singer!—Miss Lewis was more than ever a human songbird last evening. Her selections were various, but all brought forth that clear, liquid-like head tone that forth after vibratin, through the producer to a sweet nothi ness high above her head.—Kankakee Republican. rose Now, Give Him a Grocery Store— We return thanks for seven loads of cord wood from old delinquent subscribers and we wish to say to others that, while wood is fine for cooking purposes, just at pres. ent we have nothing to cook.—Whitsett Courier. Misprint—The other day the printer made us say, “Corporal Jones passed through here with a car load of cooties.”” We apologize. It was coolies he had with him. It seems that both coolies and cooties have been num son the battle- fields. ‘The trouble in getting them prop- erly separated in the news dispatches is going to prove a source of much embar- assment, we fear.—Wichita Eagle. Nothing New—Shell shock is nothing new. We had it thirty years ago. It was at the county fair. The fellow who gave it to us had two shells and a small, rubber pea.—Colorado Independent Reconstruction Cc Reconstructing a Bystander (London). Fragments. A Patriotic Address—The Wild Onion school teacher lectured on the United States a few nights ago, to a large i In the course of his remarks he paid a glowing tribute to our country, and it is regretted that everybody in the United States were not present. One rea son we keep so far ahead of the other na tions, said he, is because we are getting up and going to work every morning while the folks around the other side of the world are just going to bed. —Hogwal low Kentuckian PEOPLE Where Best Filled—" The advantage of universal service,” says former Presi- dent" s that it puts every man in the place best fitted for him.” “It’s like the case of the captain of the man-of-war. He saw a new hand loafing by the rail “What was this chap in civil life?’ he demanded “A milkman, sir,’ was the reply. “Then,” roared the captain, ‘to the pumps with him at once!’ "—Chicago Herald. In Stratford Town—William Dean Howells, the well-known American au- thor, tells this one: “In Stratford, during the Shakespeare jubilee, an American tourist approached an aged villager in a smock and said: “*Who is this chap Shakespeare, any- way?” ““He were a writer, sir.” ““Oh, but there are lots of writers. Why do you make such an infernal fuss ? Wherever I turn I hotels, Shakespeare over this one, t sce Shakespeare cakes, Shakespeare chocolates, Shake- What the deuce did he speare shoes. write—magazine stories, attacks on the government fe “No, , sir,’ said the aged villager. ‘I understand he writ for the Bible, Sir.’ ’—London Tit-Bits. Solicitude * Pardon, monsien ¢a neo do you mind my eating while you « 1 que cows fumes?” Le Rire (Paris) comicbooks.com