Judge — February 1, 1919 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Se — YA His Work—Gen. Leonard Wood tells the story of a captain to whom was assigned a new orderly, a fresh recruit. “Your work will be to clean my boots, buttons, belt, and so forth, shave me, see to my horse, which you must groom thoroughly, and clean the cquipment. After that you go to your hut, help to serve the breakfast, and after breakfast lend a hand washing up. At eight o'clock you go on parade and drill till twelve o'clock—"" “Excuse me, sir,” broke in the recruit, “is there anyone else in the army be- sides me?”—<A merican Cookery. His First Retreat—‘‘Has your boy Josh gone back to work?” “Yep,” replied Farmer Corntossel. “He got so tired 0’ havin’ everybody persuadin’ him to sit around an’ tell all about the war that he gets away off yon- der where nobody kin find him an’ chops wood all day.”"—Washington Star. Lese Majesty—“Vot is dot bandt playing, Hei “Der Star-Spangled Ban “In der sacred Rhineland “Sure. Dem soldtchers from America vould play idt untder der vindow of der kaiser, if dey got der chance!”"—Birming- ham Age-Herald. The Man Who Was “ancy meeting y Advising the Seat of War—The major was leaning over a desk in his friend’s office, when the office boy stepped up quietly and poked a note into his hand. The surprised officer opened it and read: “Honored Sir: Your pants are ripped.”"—Detroit Free Press. Minor Atrocities—“I’m glad the French people know that we have only the friendliest feelings for them.” “Of course we have. Why do you say that?” “T was just thinking of the great vio- lence done their language by American —Birmingham Age-Herald. soldiers. flue Worlds Laiior His Inspiration—“ What made you a multi-millionaire?”” “My wife.” “Ah, her tactful help—" “Nothing like that. I was simply any income —Kansas City curious to know if there she couldn't live beyond. Journal, A Poor Investment—‘Time is money,” said Uncle Eben; “but jes’ the same, de man dat finds himself wif a lot o’ time on his hands has made a poor in- vestment.”"—Washington Star, Sordid Wretch!—Farmer (in depart- ment store, excitedly) —Say, Mister, I’ve lost my wife Floorman (smiling)—Are you down- hearted? Farmer—You just bet I b carryin’ the purse!—Buffalo ! Why, she’s xpress. A Heritage— You seem to have a grudge at that chap.” “T moved into the house he moved out of.” “Didn’t he leave things in good con- dition?” “T have no kick on that score. But the bill collectors he had on his trail keep our bell going all day long.” —Kansas City Journal. Too strong, or why he d Sraren petterssans ca t beat the world’s record.—N. (Stockholm). comicbooks.com