Judge — January 18, 1919 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bl aps ON THE FARM Squeezed Dry—“Si Hubbard told me he got a heap of work out of you when you was workin’ fer him,” said the farme: “Wall, [allow he did,” said the hired man. Yes. Fact is, I guess he just about got it all.”"—Louisville Courier-Journal. Attire—“ Your boy Josh will be per- mitted to wear his soldier clothes for sev- eral month: “Yes,” answered Farmer Corntossel, with a trace of discontent in his tone; “an? then mother’ll make ’em over an’ me to wear 'em for several years.” Washington Star. The Literary Farmer—* Can a liter- ary man do anything on a farm?” “Sure. If he makes a success of it he can write wise articles telling people how to do it. If not he can write funny stuff about his failures.""— Kansas City Journal. Vengeful Spirit—“Do you think there’s any chance for me to buy one o” them tanks?" asked Farmer Cobbles. “Why, I don’t know. What in the world do you want with a tank?” “I’m tired o’ these road hogs in big tourin’ cars crowdin’ my flivver into ditches. I'd like to jog down the road a piece in a tank, just to see what would happen.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. The Lodging-Problem Running No Risks “I'm ‘avin’ me tooth out tomorrow!” “Goin’ to 'ave gas?" “IT should think so! You don’t get me ttin’ in the dark wiv no dentist!”—Saturday Journal (London). H E L P Domestic Tragedy—“What’s hap- pened next door?” “The Jibbleby cook failed to show up and Gladys Jibbleby, who holds the local long-distance tango record, fainted from exhaustion after washing the breakfast —Birmingham Age-Herald. dishe Diplomacy—“I heard Mr. Subburbs speaking most beautifully of his wife to another lady on the train just now. Rather unusual in a man these days.” “Not under the circumstances. was a new cook he was escorting out Louisville Courier-Journal, That Some Swell Guy—The Manicure— That's what I call a real elegant gent, Al. The Barber—1 thought he was a divorce lawyer serving you with a writ of detach- ment. The Manicure—Far from it, you merry villager! Those legal looking documents he laid on my table were Liberty bonds and he handed me four bits for clipping the coupons.—Buffalo Express. A Discerning Woman—“I don’t ap- prove of business men taking their pretty stenographers out to lunch,” remarked Mrs. Sobble. “But, my dear,” said Mrs. Twobble, “they may have business matters to uss.” “Nonsense. If that is the case, why does the head waiter look so sly when he assigns them to a quiet table in a corner? Birmingh e-Herald. CANNY SCOTS Vurra Deeficult—Two old Scotsmen sat by the roadside, talking and puffing away merrily at their pipes. There’s no muckle pleasure in smok- andy,” said Donald. Hoo dae ye mak’ that oot?” ques- tioned Sandy. “Weel,” said Donald, “ye see, if ye're smokin’ yer ain bacca ye’re thinkin’ 0’ the awfu’ expense, an’ if ye’re smokin’ some ither body’s, yer pipe’s ramm't sae tight it winna draw.”—Tit-Bits. Macfee's Small Profit—‘ Speaking about profiteering,” said the tall man, “brings to my mind the story of the Scotch shopkeeper, Sandy Macfee, who while talking to the manager of a London emporium said: ‘Ye'll pardon my askin’ ye, sir, but what profits can ye mak’ in Lunnon?’ “*Oh, as for that,’ was the reply, ‘on some articles 5 per cent., on others 10 per cent., and on some 20 per cent.’ Twenty per cent.! Man, it’s awfu’!’ “*But don’t you?’ asked the Londoner. ‘Nae sic luck,’ exclaimed Sandy. ‘I can only mak’ 1 per cent. I just buy thing for a shullin’ and I sell it for tw: — Boston Transcript, The Winged Victory la ree ter” the Lousre Museum—Well, now come out of the cellar again. she can safe Le Rire (Pai comicbooks.com