Judge — January 18, 1919 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Retribution A UT O S How It Happened —It was a case of collision between automobiles, and the young lady witness was undeniably beautiful. “Have you any idea what caused the accident?” asked counsel. “I think so. Stare what, in your opinion, caused the collision.” “Must I tell the truth?” “You have sworn to do so.” “Well, I was standing on This gentleman tumed to something and ran into the other machine.” \ “What did he turn to look at? “Must [ answer? “You must.” “Tf T must,” said the pretty witness blush, “he ved to look sas City Journal he corner at with a viv at me."—A Not Interested — "What was Niblick’s attitude toward those neless Sun- days, now abolished?’ Strictly academic “What do you mean by that?” “He doesn’t own a car and never ex- pects t wn one, and having a cork leg he never strolls along the highways Birmingham Age-Herald Sarr SFY, Comforting —" How did the shortage of gasoline affect you?” “Well, it was a kind of comfort 10 know offhand exactly why the old ma- chine wouldn't run.”—Washington Star The Expert's Idea— She—Goorge dear, here’s a scientist who says the earth is wabbling on its axis. What do vou sup pose they can do about it? George (absently)—Open the mutiler, reverse the lever, shut off the power, lu- bricate the bearings. and tighten the wheel cap.—Clereland Plain Dealer Perfect The Height of Economy—The ser geant major had the reputation of never ficer made a bet with a brother officer that he would in less tha hours ask the sergeant major a question that would baffle him, The sergeant major accompanied the young officer on his rounds, in the course of which the cook house was inspected. nting toa large caldron of water just commencing to boil, the officer said “Why does that water only boil round the cages of the copper and not inthe center? “The water around the edge, sir.” replied the veteran, “is for the men o guard; they have their breakfast half ar hour before the remainder of the con pany.”—The Independent, being at a loss for an answer. A twenty-four Thought It Was Housework— Gen eral C. C. Williams, chief of ordnance said at a Washington dinner party: “The pluck of our boys is tremendous If you ever hear anything suggestive funk on the doughboy’s part, you can rest Assured that investi n will clear it up “Like the case, you know, of the chap who said: “Td like to volunteer for the infan try, but mother won't let me.’ “What!” said a listener. ‘A big sin footer like you, and your mother won't let you!’ “*No,' said the young man calmly; so I’ve volunteered for mine sweeping.” “*Mine sweeping? Good gracious, that’s more dangerous than infantry fighting by a darn sight.’ “*T know it is,’ said the young fellow “but mother don’t.’ "— Detroit Free Press. Ancient Grievance—" The Germar soldier who cursed Columbus for dis covering America has a counterpart in ; soldier from Alabama.”* “ How is that?” “T overheard one of our boys giving Julius Cesar ‘Hail Columbia’ for no finishing up the Germans when he had the chance.” Birmingham .1ge-Herald, Perils of a Non-Combatant—‘‘Blig- gins says he ought to have a medal for courage.” “But he never got into the real fighting.” “He admits it. And he says it re- quired a lot of courage to keep showing up in a uniform day after day at the club.” —Washington Star comicbooks.com | a