Judge — January 18, 1919 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

— ON THE FARM Squeezed Dry—" Si Hubbard told me he got a heap of work out of you when you was workin’ fer him,” said the farmer, “Wall, I allow he did,” said the hired man. “Yes. Fact is, 1 guess he just about got it all.”"—Louisville Courier-Journal. Attire—“Your boy Josh will be per- mitted to wear his soldier clothes for sev- eral months.” “Yes,” answered Farmer Corntossel, with a trace of discontent in his tone; “an’ then mother’ll make ‘em over an’ expect me to wear ’em for several years.” -Washington Star. The Literary Farmer—* Can a liter- ary man do anything on a farm?” Sure. If he makes a success of it he can write wise articles telling people how to do it. If not he can write funny stuff about his failures.”"— Kansas C ity Journal. Vengeful Spirit—“Do you think there’s any chance for me to buy one 0” them tanks?” asked Farmer Cobbles. “Why, I don’t know. What in the world do you want with a tank?” “I'm tired o’ these road hogs in big tourin’ cars crowdin’ my flivver into ditches. I'd like to jog down the road a piece in a tank, just to see what would happen.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. The Lodging-Problem Running No Risks ‘avin’ me tooth out tomorrow! to ‘ave gas?” “IT should think so! You don’t get me "in the dark wiv no dentist!" —Saturday rnal (London) H E L P Domestic Tragedy—“ What's hap- pened next door?” “The Jibbleby cook failed to show up and Gladys Jibbleby, who holds the local long-distance tango record, fainted from exhaustion after washing the breakfast dishes.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. Diplomacy—“I heard Mr. Subburbs aking most beautifully of his wife to now. ot another lady on the train ju: Rather unusual in a man these « a new cook he was escortin Louisville Courier-Journal. Some Swell Guy—The Manicure— That’s what I call a real ¢ t gent, Al. The Barber—1 thought he was a divore lawyer serving you with a writ of detach- ment. The Manicure—Far from it, you merry villager! Those legal looking documents he laid on my table were Liberty bonds and he handed me four bits for clipping the coupons.—Buffalo Express A Discerning Woman—“I don’t ap- prove of business men taking their pretty stenographers out to lunch,” remarked Mrs. Sobble. “But, my dear,” said Mrs. Twobble. “they may have business matters to eal onsense. If that is the case, why does the head waiter look so sly when he assigns them to a quiet table in a corner?” Birmingham Age-Herald. a CANNY SCOTS Vurra Deeficult—Two old Scotsmen sat by the roadside, talking and pufting away merrily at their pipes. “There's no muckle pleasure in smok- in’, Sandy,” said Donald. “Hoo dae ye mak’ that oot?” ques- tioned S; ye see, if ye're ‘re thinkin’ o’ the e, an’ if ye’re smokin’ some ramm’t sae tight Tit-Bits. it winna draw. Macfee's Small Profit—‘‘ Speaking about profiteering,” said the tall man, “brings to my mind the story of the Scotch shopkeepe andy Macfee, who whil king to the manager of a London emporium said: *Ye'll pardon my askin’ ye, sir, but what profits can ye mak’ in Lunnon?’ “*Oh, as for that,’ was the reply, ‘on some articles 5 per cent., on others 10 per cent., and on some 20 per cent.’ “* Twenty percent.! Man, it’s awfu’!” “*But don’t you?’ asked the Londoner. “*Nae sic luck,’ exclaimed Sandy. ‘I can only mak’ 1 per cent. I just buy a thing for a shullin’ and I sell it for twa.’” Boston Transcript. The Winged Victory moment de la ree ucre Museum—We she can safely come out of the cellar a: Le Rire (Paris). comicbooks.com