Judge — January 4, 1919 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Bird That Wouldn't Be Caught can Eagle) —F The Hun (to the Ameri Vee tee MATRIMONY Breaking the Ice—Cleric hasn't di: covered the girl yet, but he is already wo: rying about how he is going to propose to her when he does. War and matrimony, says he, require preparedness. He has written a dozen tentative sentences wherewith to introduce the subject. We cull a few of them as mere suggestions. He imagines himself starting the conver- sation with one of the following phrases: “You look very nice across a table.” “T think cooking like yours would keep me in good humor forever.” “Do you object to smoking about the house? I don’t smoke.” “The high cost of living isn’t so high, after all, is it?” “Would you mind beginning to look like me?” “T suppose, like all girls, you intend to remain an old maid?” “Do your clothes hook up the back?” “Yes, I know I dance like a camel, but that is because life was a desert to me until this evening.” —Chicago News. He Understood—“ I’m going to drive into the city with you today, John,” said Mrs. Buywell. “I want to do a little shopping.” ‘ “TI understand your strategic plans,” answered her husband. “The drive is to be followed by a counter-attack.”— Christian Register. Bulletin (Sydney). Such an Inquisitive Woman—/Hub Who is that letter from? Wife—What do you want to know for? Hub—There you go! “What do I want to know for?” I declare if you aren't the most inquisitive woman I ever met.—Boston Transcript. Thousands to the Good—“ Had my fortune told today, dear.” “What a waste of money,” said her husband. “Not at all. I gave the woman fifty cents and she told me I would inherit $50,000. Wasn't that a bargain?”— Detroit Free Press. Offcer—But surely, you, a millionaire, have little to complain about. Munition Magnate—Oh, 1 don't know The multi- ires treat us like so much Regretting at Leisure—Mrs. Houlihan Phwat a fool Oi was! Oi niver saw yez till the day before me unforchnit marriage. Houlihan—Faith, Oi wish ye Hadn't seen me till the day after.—Kansas City Journal. His Cure—Private M’Guire, lying in hospital, was very fractious. He point- edly refused to take a second dose of medicine, which was inordinately nasty. Several smiling nurses bent over him and urged him to be good. “Come,” pleaded one, “drink this and you'll get well.” “ And rosy, too!” chimed in a second. M’Guire visibly brightened, and sat up in bed. After surveying the pretty group, he inquired, eagerly, “What wan o’ yez is Rosy?" —London Tit-Bits Ultramarine—Pat—When my wife came to the station to see me off from my final leave she brought with her a dozen handkerchiefs to dry the tears with. Mike—That’s nothing! My wife had to bring a lifebelt with her to save her from drowning.—Pearson’s Weekly. = F O Reassurance — “There enough in this flat to turn around in.” “Wait till you have lived at our café isn’t room awhile,” said the landlord, cheerily. “Then you'll find you won't take up so much space.”—Washington Star. But It Won't—Mr. Lerret—This ar- ticle, “ Forty-five ways to cut the grocer’s bill,” ought to be valuable. Mrs. Lerret (sadly)—It would be inval- uable if even one of the ways would work.—Ginger. Paper en Casserole—Don't you have to put paper covers on these sand- wiches any more?” asked the traveler at the railroad restaurant stand. “No. The Government's stopped us doing that,” replied the chocolate-haired waitress. “What for?” Says we must conserve paper.” “Geel Won't Hoover let us eat paper, either?” —Washington Star. comicbooks.com