Judge — January 4, 1919 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SE Had a Tragic Sound—“No more shall I hear his footsteps on yonder walk just as the clock strikes 8.” “Gracious, Jeannette!” “And the old parlor light will never burn low for him again.” “You don’t mean it?” “Ido; and furthermore, he will never sit on this sofa three nights a week and call me pet names, as he has been doing for two years.” “Tam astonished!” “And tonight I am going to burn all the old love letters in my chest of drawers.”” “B-but why? card him?” “Discard him! Why, you goose, I am going to marry him!"—Rehoboth Sunday Herald. Are you going to dis- A New Phase—“ You think great sav- ing is effected by letting women do men’s work?” “Yes; in ways we didn’t anticipate. We can now cut down er’s over- alls to fit little brother.” —Washington Star. a: g A R Happy Thought—Leading Man (of the stranded troupe)—Nothing to do but walk back to dear old Broadway, methinks. Leading Woman—But think of the disgrace! Ingenue—And the rustic gibery! Comedian—Peace be with you all! Why, we'll send the advance man ahead to scatter the interesting tidings that you ladies are hiking suffragettes and we men the accompanying newspaper corre- spondents.—Buffalo Express. Realism—“I refuse to pldy Julius Cwsar tonight unless you get me an ad- equate mob,” said the eminent tragedian. “What do you mean by an adequate mob?” asked the stage manager, with a dangerous gleam in his eye. “Ahem! It should at least be large enough to convince the audience that Rome was a populous city and frequently had more than three people on its streets at one time.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Overheard on a Neighboring Planet “Depuis quatre ans, la Terre est couverte de feux d’artifices.” “Les veinards, ce qu'ils doivent samuser.” “For four years the earth has been covered with fireworks.” “Gee! the people down there must have a lot of fun.”"—La Baionnette (Paris). Vocalization—“I should think your conscience would remind you that it’s wrong to demand such a salary.” “Oh, no,” demurely answered the prima donna. “The still small voice of conscience is y well in its way. But nobody buys tickets at the box office to listen to it.”—Washington Star. To Suit ty y 7), “YAWN, TIVE. et, WHEEZES Literal—Friend—So you've served four years in the navy, eh? Well, how does the old world look? The Seaman—Darn wet!—Buffalo Ex- press. Educated—“ Polly want a cracker?” “Please don’t inflict that stuff on the bird,” said Mrs. Highbrow. “That par- rot is capable of discussing ethical questions.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. The Nighthawk—Hotel Clerk—We slip a morning paper under the door of each guest room. Cyril Windfall—Well, I suppose that every hotel has to cater a bit to the working classes. But see that mine’s an afternoon paper, old top.—Buffalo Ex- press. Back to the Old Habits—“I suppose you are glad that peace is declared.” “Yes, indeed. Doesn’t it seem good to get back to talking about our neighbors and finding fault with the minister again?” —Detroit Free Press. Quite So—Mrs. Binks—This paper tells of a man who lives on onions alone. Mrs. Jinks (whose husband eats them) —Well, any one who lives on onions ought to live alone.—Stray Stories. His Case LLM Doris (buying Christmas gifts)—I want some nice cigars for a tall, dark officer in the Blankshires.—Passing Show (London). comicbooks.com