Judge — December 21, 1918 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

. POLITICS Popular Science—“I suppose you understand the science of government.” “To be frank,” replied Senator Sor- ghum, “I’m not as strong on the science of government as I ought to be. I have meant to take it up, but I have been tied right down to my studies in the science of how to get reelected.” —Washington Star. Too Unusual—“I see a bill recently passed Congress without a dissenting vote.” “What of it?” “TI didn’t suppose it possible to propose a bill so reasonable that everybody would vote for it.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. A Full Field in Kansas—A. Jay Bird was up today from Sleepy Hollow and reported that he was defeated in his race for constable. He said: ‘This here run- nin’ for office reminds me of that old- fashioned game ‘Pussy Wants a Corner’ when there’s too many playin’.”— Hutchinson News. F O Sheer, Boredom—“ Madam, I see you advertise table board.” “Ido.” “But why specify table board? What other kind of board is there?” “Stable board. You ain’t the first jackass that has been along.”—Kansas City Journal. An Aid to Conservation—“Do you (suppose Mr. Hoover will ever be forgot- ten?” “Not so long as Mr. Dubwaite lives,” said Mrs. Dubwaite. “He’s a great admirer of the food administrator, I presume?” “Yes, Mr. Dubwaite has learned that Mr. Hoover has a name to conjure with when the children want a second helping atthe table.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Other Side of the Counter—“Do you mean to tell me that eggs are eighty cents a dozen?” “Yes,” replied the imperturbable dealer. “It seems outrageous, doesn’t it, to part with anything so precious as a dozen eggs for a paltry eighty cents?” — Washington Star. The Modern Musketeer ANeHe eke “Ca ne se fait pas, voyons, vous tes en retard d'une demi-heure.” «Je pensais que vous auries commencé sans moi.” “Heavens, man, you're half an hour late!” ; “Sorry, I thought you could begin without me."—Le Péle-Méle (Paris). Forebodings—“I bet Josh’ll be glad to get home,” said Mrs. Corntossel. “I don’t doubt it,” replied her hus- band; “only bein’ used to that soldier fare I’m afraid he ain’t goin’ to be satisfied with the way Mr. Hoover lets us home folks eat.”—Washington Star. The New Tyrant Rei i senyor. Spanish Flu.—Esquella (Barcelona). THE OLD SOD Hello, Dr. Garfield!—After Patsy Hogan had left Dublin for the country, and rented a cottage with a small backyard, he returned to town and purchased a monkey. Not a word of his scheme would he disclose to his old cronies, But afterwards he explained, ‘“’Twas like this: I chained the monkey to a shtick in me yard, and the coal thrains were passin’ all day, and on iv’ry thrain there was a stoker. In one week I had two tons of coal in me cellar, and the monkey was never wanst hit!”—London Tit-Bits. Paving the Way—An Irishman was engaged at stone-breaking on the road- side, but, not being used to the work, did not make much progress. A friend, who chanced to pass by as Pat was vigorously belaboring a large stone, tried to show him the right way. Taking the hammer from him, he broke the stone with case, Said Pat: “Sure now, and it be easy for ye to break the stone afther I have been softening it for the last half-hour.” — Pearson’s Weekly. comicbooks.com