Judge — December 21, 1918 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Pity—“How much did the assessor tax you on your automobile?” “Nothing. When I took him out in the garage and showed him the car, he took out his pocketbook and gave me ten dollars.” —Ginger. Too Inferential—“I want to return this automobile honker.” “Isn’t it all right?” “Tt might be for some people, but not for me.” “Why not?” “Man alive, I’m a doctor, and this blooming thing makes a noise like “Quack! Quack!” — Youngstown Tele- gram. Coo and Bill—Shopping Wife—Isn’t it a sweet little hat, Jack? Guess what it cost? Motoring Husband—About one tire, I should say.—Sydney Bulletin. Too Much of a Shock—The chauffeur had been haled into court for speeding and running down a pedestrian. “Your Honor,” said the chauffeur, “it was all my fault. The pedestrian was not to blame.” And the poor Judge dropped dead.— Cincinnati Enquirer. Fortunate Encounter—“Did you carry any war workers downtown with you?” “Yes,” replied Mr. Chuggins; “and a good job it was. I got a couple of ’em on board just in time for them to help me repair a blowout and replace the tire.”—Washington Star. Some Try It—“What’s the use of cussing so continuously?” “The darned auto won’t go.”” “Well, you can’t run it by lung power.””—Brooklyn Citizen. Precarious Situation—‘ How about a jury for this automobile colliding case?” “We're up a tree,” said the lawyer on the other side. “How so?” “Well, a jury of motor owners will be as wise as all-get-out about an affair of this kind.” “True.” “While a jury of non-motorists may soak the pair of us.”—Kansas City Jour- nal, a at ‘ “Je n'ai plus besoin de vos renseignements; ne pourriez-vous pas, gardien, me laisser seul?” “Pardon, monsicur—mais c'est que nous sommes responsables du charbon.” “Never mind, guard, I don’t need your explanations. I'can get along quite well by myself.” “Excuse me, sir, but we're responsible for that scuttle of coal."—Le Péle-Méle (Paris). What They Escaped—‘‘Remember son, President Garfield drove mules ona towpath and President Lincoln split rails.” “I know, Dad; but say, did any of these presidents ever crank a cold motor in a blizzard for half an hour before he dis- covered that he didn’t have any gaso- lene?” —Richmond Dispatch. ~_ Axe DARKYISMS Can’t Fool "Em—There is at least one old colored man in Accomac, Virginia, who will not be fooled on his Liberty Bonds. Our good old Accomac County friend of along and honorable life told a visitor how some “sharp boy” came around the “diggings,” and first offered him $95 for his Second Liberty Bond. Said the old man: “Whaffoah Ah’m gwine sell $100 of good Guvament money for $95?” Whereupon the visitor said: “Well, Mr. Boone, here’s’ going you better. Here’s $102 for your First Liberty Bond.” “An. whaffoah you gwine gib me $102 of good money foah $100 of good money?” replied the darkey. “Man, travel on, foh yoah all’s arristed wid counterfeit money on you.”—Wall Sheet Journal. His Strong Potnt—“Is your husband much of a provider, Malindy?” “He jes’ ain’t nothin’ else, ma’am. He gwine to git some new furniture providin’ he gits de money; he gwine to git de money providin’ he go to work; he go to work providin’ de job suits him. I never see such a providin’ man in all mah days.”—San Francisco Chronicle. The Subway Slide ! Pardon, madame!” “Ne vous excuses pas, monsieur: ¢a me rappelle le tango argentin.” “Oh, I beg your pardon, madam!” “That's all right. Ut reminds me of the Argentine tango.”—L¢ Rire (Paris). comicbooks.com