Judge — December 21, 1918 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tommy (of Labor Battalion)—I'm abaht fed up with this, "Erb. Lok at the stuff we've got to move! *Erb—Stop yer grouchin’! Wot would yer ’ave said if this war 'ad been fought in America, where all them skyscrapers is?—Passing Show (London). MON E Y Thrift—A New York real estate opera- tor gave his little daughter a superb doll’s house. It was lighted with electricity, each bedroom had its private bath, and there was a garage with a tiny motor car. “Well, my love, how do you like your new doll’s house?” the millionaire asked the little girl. “Tt’s all right,” she answered carelessly. “But where is it?” said her father, look- ing around the sumptuous nursery. “Oh,” said the little girl with a yawn, “T’ve rented it furnished to Cousin Sallie for 30 centsa week.” —Wall Street Journal. The Master's Hand—The late Pier- pont Morgan was fond of fine gems and was desirous of purchasing a particularly fine diamond from a Maiden Lane mer- chant who had imported one of the finest diamonds to be obtainable at that time. The jeweler offered the diamond to Mr. Morgan for $60,000, so the story runs, but after examining the stone with his ex- perts, Mr. Morgan said that $50,000 was about the limit he felt the stone was worth to him. ~ Now at $50,000 the Maiden Lane merchant stood to make a good profit and naturally he was anxious to sell, inas- much as such a stone could not be readily disposed of elsewhere and it tied up a lot of capital. So once more he sent a mes- senger around to Broad and Wall streets with the gem, offering it to Mr. Morgan for $60,000, Presently the messenger returned with a note from the banker which ran in part: “I enclose my check for $50,000, all I feel the stone is worth to me. If you are disposed to sell, retain my check, and return the box, otherwise re- turn my checks.” The jeweler did not hesitate this time; he ret ained the $50,000 check and returned the box unopened. The messenger sat in Mr. Morgan's presence while he opened the box and assured himself the gem was inside. Tucked neatly next to the diamond was another check for $10,000 made out to the jeweler’s order. This went into Mr. Morgan’s pocket.—Wall Street Journal. Teuton Wisdom “A bartir te temain, nour gommencerons @ apprendre l'anglais.” “Tomorrow ve start learning der English langvage.”—La Baionnetse (Paris). MATRIMONY One of Life's Mysteries—Every bride is beautiful, and it is a mystery where all the plain married women come from.—Boston Transcript. Time Is About Here—“Oh, mamma, I’m frightened!” came from little Tom- mie, in bed. “What are you frightened about, my son?” “T hear somebody on the roof.” “Oh, well, go to sleep, my boy; it’s only your father taking off his shoes be- fore he sneaks through the scuttle. He’s just got home from the club in his air- ship.”—Yonkers Statesman. Poor Hubby—“ What sort of a man is he?” “To begin with, he’s the husband of a famous novelist.” “T see.” “And is suspected of being the original of the ne’er-do-well she describes so graphically in her latest novel.”—Bir- mingham Age-Herald. Can’t Be Done—“‘I thought you were going to say ‘no’ when young Wombat asked for your daughter’s hand in mar- riage.” “That was when he was a civilian. How could I say ‘no’ to a second lieuten- ant?”—Kansas City Journal. Her Vocabulary—His Wife—I can’t find words to express my opinion of you. Mr. Knox—There aren't any. You've tried ’em all.—Boston Globe. Effectual; Possibly Official—Pus- sled Income Tax Official—And is the separation from your husband an official one? Munition Kate—I dunno about “offi- * cial.” All I knows is as when ’e comes to our ’ouse we calls the police and they chucks ’im out. —London Punch. Crowding the Quarters—‘“‘We feel crowded in this flat,” said the tenant, diffidently. “No wonder!” exclaimed the janitor. “This flat was never intended for a family of six.” “But there are only myself and wife.” “T know better. Besides you two, there are a canary bird and three gold- fish.” —Washington Star.