Judge — December 21, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MUS I C The Connoisseurs—Our friend the pianist dropped in on us yesterday. “Did you go to the symphony con- cert?” we asked him. “Yes,” “Enjoy it?” “No.” “Why, I heard it was very good.” “Tt may have been the best ever, for all I know.” “What was the matter?” “Two women who sat behind me kept up a constant line of chatter during the whole affair.” “What did they talk about—the end- ing of the war?” “No; they were telling each other how much they loved music.”—Clereland Plain Dealer. Just the One—Alice—Glad to meet you, dear. I want you to sing one or two numbers at the charity concert I am getting up. Madge—That’s perfectly sweet of you, dear; but you know I have almost dropped my singing. Alice—But you are just the one we want for the programme; it is for the in- mates of a deaf and dumb institution.— Boston Transcript. The Chronic Egoist—The deposed German orchestra leader heard the up- roarious discord of the peace demonstra- ton. “Ha!” he exclaimed. “Anyhow, in order to celebrate, they had to use the Wagnerian style of music.” —Washington Star. Unpleasant Memory—Flatbush—Let me see—how does that wedding march go? Can you whistle it? Bensonhurst—Don’t ask me. I’m try- ing to forget it—Yonkers Statesman. His Instrument—Blobbs—If you are going in for music, which instrument Would you choose? Slobbs—Well, I’ve always thought I would like to be a soloist on a cash register.—Philadelphia Record. Had Something Anyway—Jim—] envy the man who sung the tenor solo. Maud—Why, I thought he had a very Poor voice. Jim—So did I, but just think of his nerve.—Brooklyn Citizen. Too Suggestive—The concert last evening in aid of the hospital was a great success, but there was one little hitch. The town undertaker was down for a tenor solo and he insisted on sing- ing “I’m Waiting for Thee.”—Wexford Chronicle. Her Idea—“ Wagnerian music always sounded noisy and incoherent to me.” “Yes.” replied Miss Cayenne, “my idea of a Wagnerian orchestra is a big jazz band trying to take itself seriously.” —Washington Star. A Rift in the Loot “TI saw it first.”"—Tatler (London). THE SEX No Sense of Fitness—Mrs. Exe— Why do you say that Mrs. Brown is very thoughtless? Mrs. Wye—She had the parson to dinner the other evening and she served deviled eggs.—Boston Transcript. Switched—“ Have you ever met your ideal woman?” “Scores of times; but I’ve always been lucky enough to change my ideal.”— Sydney Bulletin. : Explain It—‘I have had the same cook for five years,” remarked Mrs. Crosslots. “Indeed,” commented Miss Cayenne. “One of you must have a lovely dis- position.” —Washington Star. Time-Saving Device — Two war workers were discussing slackers. “Bothered with time-wasting callers, are you? Why don’t you try my plan,” said the first. “What is your plan?” said the second. “Why, when the bell rings I put on my hat and gloves before I open the door. If it proves to be someone I don’t want to see, I say: ‘So sorry, but I’m just going out.’” “But suppose it’s someone you want to see?” asked the second. “Oh, then, I say, ‘So fortunate, I’ve just come in.’”—Los Angeles Times. Fifty-fifty—Another thing—when a lady walks the street leading a harnessed dog, which gets the most advertising?— Galveston News. Heroic Measures—“And was -the widow so inconsolable?” “Oh, yes. Why, they had to hide her powder-puff to keep her from weeping.”— Columbia State. comicbooks.com