Judge — December 14, 1918 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Wind-Up | WET AND DRY | Mixed—* How'd that restaurant-keeper get intotrouble?”” ““Mixin’ his drinks,” answered Broncho Bob. “I thought Crimson Gulch was prohibition.” “Tt is. He put water in the milk.” — Waeshing- Ir. Graduated Results—“What does moonshine liquor cost hereabouts?”” “That depends, stranger.” “On what?” “On the length of time you can afford to stay paralyzed and neglect your busi ness. If you just want enough to lay you out over Sunday it won't cost more than $5."—Birmingham Age-Herald. Noticed in Texas—We notice one thing about this influenza epidemic The doctors who prescribe whiskey arc tting much more of the practice than ose who prescribe castor oil.—Houston ost man An Added Quality—Canteen (affably)—Looks like rain, don’t it? Pri (sarcastically) —Yes, and tastes like it, too.— sell’s Saturday Journal. Not Enough in Sight—“The more liquor Jagsby drinks the more dignified he gets.”” “But suppose he takes too much?” “A gentleman of Mr. Jagsby’s capac- ity can’t drink enough to floor him under present conditions of supply and de. mand.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. A Modern Instance—The ancient witch offered twelve Sibylline books for a price. This being refused, she burned three and offered nine for the same price farquin finally bought three volumes at the original figure.” “That's the way likker is going up,” commented old Uncle Pennywise. Louisville Courier-Jour The Higher the Fewer—“A great many commodities are ancing in pric And that reminds me.” “Yes? “1 heard less kicking when whisky advanced $4 a gallon than when milk went up one cent a quart.” —Loniszille Courier-Journal. Disillusion Hohenzollern art.—Bystander (L Complete Recovery—" Uncle _ Bill Bottletop recovered from the grip very quickly.” “Yes. He got well just as soon as the doctor told him he could go on taking the quinine and cut out the whisky.” —Wash- ington & tar. “Past One at Rooney’s"—The Bur keep (entering back room)—Say, Tim, there’s a guy in the strect hollering “Police!” to beat the bleachers. The Cop (rising reluctantly) —The dang pest! How well he knowed wh to come an’ holler!—Buffalo Express A Melancholy Admission—‘ Don’t you think you talk entirely too much. when you have been drinking?” asked Old Soakhead. “I fear I am_ very much inclined to unboozen myself Washington Star. THE OLD SOD The Awakening—The foreman of a construction gang was walking along his section of the railway one day when he came upon a laborer fast asleep in the shade of a fence. Eying the man with a stern smile, he said “Slape on, ye idle spalpeen, slape on! So long as ye slape ye've got a job, but when ye wake up ye're out of wurtk!”"— Youth's Companion. Educational—Slavin (outside movie theatre)—Wor there any eddicational films shown; Martin? Conlin—Faith an’ there wor, Terence. I learned, among other things, how to act towar-rds me butler, how to inter me club properly, an’ how to hang me coat and cane on th’ ar-rm iv th’ gintlemanly attindant.—Buffalo Express Resented Inquisition—A_ mother went into a footwear shop to buy a pair of shoes for her little son, who accompanied her. An assistant came briskly forward and, learning that shoes were wanted for the boy, looked at his fect intently for a mo- ment. French kid?” he asked. is none of your business whether he be French or Irish,” hed the mother. “T want a pairSof shoes fur ‘im.””—Pear- son's Weekly. Good Enough for Him—* You know, Pat, it is said that a good name is rather to be chosen than great riches.”” “Ts that so “Yes, Pat. Now, which would yeu prefer to have: a good name or riches?” “Well, you can give me the riches. Me name's O'Toole and that’s good cnough for any man.”"—Yonkers Statesman. A Figure of the Day dove of peace! reclona). comicbooks.com