Judge — November 23, 1918 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| WHEEZES Scrapped—“As happy as a king.” “No more than you could fly.”” “Rich as a gold mine.” (“Today it is better to own a gravel-pit than a gold mine,” say the producers.) —Boston Tran- script. No Rustlers—“‘Every man_ should have the right to enjoy life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” “Some men ain't satisfied with the pursuit of happiness,” declared Uncle Partridge. “Huh?” “They want it brung.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Which?—Tilly—What an amount of brass that young man has! Billy—Jewelry,, impudence, or money? —Town Topics When Prudent—“ Do you believe in signs?” “Certainly, when they s Look Out for the Locomotive,’ or, ‘ Beware of the Dog.’"’—Baltimore American. Lick "Em Lick a thrift stamp every day, Hoard them like a miser; Do two bits for Uncle s And help him lick the Kaiser. -Journal of the American Bankers Association. Where To Go-To whom shall [ go to get advice on how to succeed in life?” “Go to someone who has failed; the successful people are too busy to ta Boston Transcript. Ulterior Motive—Rankin—Are you anxious to have the clocks turned back again? Phyle—On the contrary, I'd like to have them set still farther forward. “Huh! You must like to get up early in the morning.” “Tt isn’t that. You sec, I have just bought a big block of stock in an alarm clock factory.” —Youngstown Telegram. Some Difference—* What is the most marked difference you have observed between men and animals?” asked the Highbrow Teacher. “Well,” replied the low-browed drum- mer, “animals learn to do everything by instinct, but men have to be taught the most trivial things and pay darn high for the tuition.”—Florida Times- Union. Recrimination Gucttetmone (al Vecchio Dio)—Guai a te! Bill (to the Old Gott)—All right for you, Gott!—L’Asino (Rome). He—Ot course there's a big difference between a botanist and a florist. She—Is there, really? He—Yes; a botanist is one who knows all about flowers, and a florist is one who knows all about the price people will pay for them.—Roller Monthly. Why He Stopped—“I sce you have quit keeping a diary.” “Yep.” “Why did you stop?” it seemed foolish to be recording my piffling affairs when men are making history every day.”—Kansas City Jour- nal, DOCTORS His Thoroughness—Fearful—Doctor is it true that people are occasionally buried alive? Dr. Diggs—It never happens to my patients.—Answers A Saving Clause—“ Doctor, do you approve of all those don’t-worry the- ories?” “Well, I always like to have my pa tients indulge in a little healthy anxiety about paying my bills."—Boston Tran- script. He Never Forgets That—“ While it may be true that a surgeon sometimes leaves a knife or a chisel or a small hand- saw in the patient by mistake,” remarked the Old Scout as he prepared to write a check, “he never docs that with his bill." —Detroit News. Insidious Persistence—“ You don’t seem to pay any attention to these germs.” I don’t talk about 'em any more than is necessary,” answered Doc Braney. “T take all possible precautions and then try to ignore ‘em. The meanest thing about a germ is that if he can’t attack you anywhere else, he tries to get on your mind.”"—Washington Star. Adaptable—“ Is this medicine to be used only for local application?” “Dear me, no; you can use it any where you happen to be.’’—Baltimore American. The Valiant Junker “oi?” Est-ce que je suis du peupic, m any will hold “Yes, the people of Ge “Will_ you?” “Am Tof the pe Le Rive (Paris d mangera cy have to cat grass.” out even ). comicbooks.com