Judge — November 16, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

st copy available a 5 i SESE oo Meera ones _ WHEEZES oo some ane Incompetence—Plumber (to girl who has taken up plumbing to release a man for the front)—Well, what cha forgotten? Girl (proudly)—Not one thing. Plumber—You ain't? Well, by cricket, Lain’t surprised. I told the boss a woman couldn’t never make good at this business. —Cartoons Magazine. His Simple Request—Prison Visitor —My good man, is there anything I can do for you in the outside world? Convict—I'd appreciate it very much, if you'd call on the mayor and ask him to extend to me the freedom of the city Buffalo Express. The Dutch Retreat—After reading an article depicting conditions in Holland one gets the idea that even a Dutch treat, tightwadish as that is, must have passed out by this time.—Detroit News. Something in That—“Why do you always buy your clothes on the instal- ment plan?” “They try to give me stuff that will last until the instalments are all paid.”"— Boston Transcript. Homely Phiz—Mr. Mugg (relating his adventures)—And starvation stared me in the face Miss Bright—Unpleasant for both of you, I should think.—Pearson’s Weekly. Educated—Buyer of Birds—You are certain the parrot talks a lot? Fancier—He ought to. He belonged to a real estate dealer.—Cartoons Magazine. Uplift—* Have you had any uplift in your life lately, my dear woman?” “Oh, yes, ma’am. The landlord raised -"—Baltimore American. Around a Card Table—“ Late hours are not good for one.” “Late hours, my boy, are not usually kept by one; they are generally kept by four or five.""—London Tit-Bits. Two Noted Baldies—A medical man attributes baldness to the use of tobacco. The prophet Elisha and Julius Casar, we understand, were inveterate smokers. —Boston Transcript. It Doesn't Count—Ma Grump says: “After a woman has lived a couple of years with a good-for-nothin’ feller, the fact that he is a Swell Dancer doesn’t help much." —A kron Times. ui...il a fait une telle sécheresse i que depuis un mois je n'ai pas pu The drouth h so bad that for a ‘n able to take a bath.” for three weeks I haven't a water-color.”—L'Ilus- le to paint tration (Paris) Murder Afoot—There recently rushed into a police-station a youngster very much out of breath, who gasped out to an officer: “You're—wanted—down—down in— in our street—an’—an’ bring an ambu- lance!” “What's the trouble?”” demanded the policeman. ‘And why bring an ambu- lance? “ Because,” the kiddie explained, when he had recovered his breath, “mother’s found the lady that pinched our door- mat!""—Sydney (Australia) Bulletin. — a tne ae ams | THE SEX [| a a Nothing New to Her—“ Aunt Dinah, what do you think of this fight-or-work proposition?” “Lawsy, honey, dat ain’t nuffin’ new tome. I’se had to put dat alternative to dat lowbrow triflin’ husband ob mine evah since he was wished onto me.”— Florida Times Union The Difference—‘“It is remarkable that so many women should be working.” Women have always worked,” re- plied Miss Cayenne. “The principal difference just now is that they are working away from home and getting paid for it.”"—Washington Star. Progress—He—And how are you get- ting on with your collecting for the sol- diers? She—Splendidly! I’ve had my name in the papers four times already.—Sidney Bulletin. Not the Listening Kind—Myles— Your wife drives her own car, doesn’t she? Styles—Oh, y Myles—And does she p: those “Stop, Look, Listen” railroad crossings? “Well, I believe she stops and looks, but say, old man, I don’t think anybody or anything could make her listen. Yonkers Statesman. y attention to igns on the With Pianist in Livery Sale;man—I suppose you require a grand piano, madame? Mrs. Mewnishuns—Grand! [want a magnificent one.—London Opinion. comicbooks.com