Judge — November 9, 1918 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HUNS The Champ Retreater—Fisher—I understand the German crown prince leads a pretty fast set. Fowler—Well, he is going some if he keeps ahead of them in the running now. —Youngstown Telegram. A Diagnosis—Whatever may be the matter with the kaiser’s nerves, we know it isn’t shell-shock.—Kansas City Star. Wisdom—The tattooed man who has a picture of Emperor William on his breast wants it removed before some radical skins him alive—Youngstown Telegram. Raining on the Rhine “Ce mest encore qu'une petite averse gare d Corage! a shower. Wait till the —Le Rire (Paris). “This is o1 ! storm comes! He Surely Is—Yeast—It is stated that this war has cost the kaiser billions and billions of dollars. Crimson Well, suppose it has; he’s getting a run for his money now, all right, isn’t he?—Yonkers Statesman. That Strained Quality—Daniel Wil- lard, former chairman of the War Indus- tries Board, said at a dinner in Washing- ton he Germans are funny people. They are whining now that the world is unjust to them. They remind me of an old maid who once went to a fashionable photographer's and had herself photo- graphed in a low-necked white gown. Looking at the result, the old maid hissed: ‘This photograph doesn’t do me justice.’ ‘Justice, ma’am?’ said the photographer. ‘Don’t talk about justice. What you want is mercy.’”—Washington Post. A Mean Job—“If I look wan and distressed this morning,” announced the Old Scout, “it’s because of the dream I had last night. I dreamed that I lived in Germany and had been appointed yell master to lead the cheering on the kaiser’s birthday.’’"—Detroit News. Where Their Hearts Are—Bombing their cathedrals and hospitals might an- noy the Germans, but to madden them we must bomb the breweries.—Chicago News. Suspicious—Former Senator Bailey, Te in Albany the other day he Germans believe that a pacifist nation is a coward nation. Propose peace to the Germans, and they will fall upon and crush you, convinced that you're afraid to fight. “The Germans are like the chap in evening dress who went up to the box- office man and said eagerly: “*Have you got two front-row seats on sle for tonight?’ Yep. Here you are,’ said the box- office man. “But the chap in evening clothes frowned. Keep 'em,’ he said. ‘The show can’t be any good.’”—Washington Star. th No Slacker He—“I sce,” said Kaiser Bill as he read the noon editions, “that enemy soldiers are planning to invade the Fatherland. But when they arrive Father won't be here.” Whereupon he resumed packing his grip.—Detroit News. The Return of Ulysses “Ga?..mon chéri, Cest..c’e Tu comprends, ton portrait d & écieux, je 'avais mis d Pabri “That? Oh, that, dear—that's an aviator. You see, dear, your picture is so precious that I was afraid to keep it out during these air raids."—Le Rire (Paris). Slipping “ Addio, sospirata cuccagna!” “Farewell, hoped-for delights!"—/ 420 (Florence). All Safe—The Kaiserin, we presume, is never heard singing ‘“‘Where Is My Wandering Boy Tonight?” She knows he’s safe. Which goes for all six.—De- troit News. Place for Half-Wit—A recruiting ofli- cer in Germany determined that no pros- pective soldier should elude him, One man said he was too old, but the officer replied: “Von Hindenburg is seventy-two and he’s in. Get a gun.” Another man with one arm came up to claim exemption, and the officer said: “The kaiser’s in. Get a gun.” Finally a woman brought her half- witted son, and the officer said: “No matter; the crown prince is in. Get a gun.” —Eterybody’s Magazine. Righteous Exaggeration—The kaiser has sunk so low that he will b take an aeroplane to get to Hades.” Billy Sunday in a Sermon. ¢ to And Still Going—“Vat’s der news from der frondt?’’ asked one Berlin citizen of another. “Ach! Der news iss dot der frondt is now vere der rear vas,”’ replied the second dolefully, emptying his stein of sawdust beer.—Boston Transcript. comicbooks.com