Judge — November 9, 1918 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

EO Se ee eee eee A Rural Compromise—A vacation ist, just returned, relates having over heard this bit of bucolic dickering “Hiram, when are you goin’ to pay me them jars for pasturin’ your heifer? I've had her now fer about ten weeks.” Why, Sam, the critter ain't: worth e’n ten dollars.” “Well, s’posin’ I keep her fer what you owe me?” “Not by a jugful! Tell you what I'll do, though—keep her two weeks more an’ you kin have h Boston Transcript m Montmartre by Night “Voild ce que nos ennemis appellent la bylone moderne!” Pari is what our enem ni"—La Baionn Had Him by the Throat—Recently a farmer with a fretful cast of countenance ered the general store of a country town, and without pausing to chat with the oracles and prophets perched on the ay for barrels and boxes, made straight the proprietor “What seems to be the trouble this mornin’, Josh?” asked the proprietor, noticing what seemed to be trouble com- ing his way. ‘Got somethin’ else fo kick about?” I don’t like to kick, Sam,” responded the farmer, “but I do wish ye'd light a lamp when ye go down in yer cellar. That butter I got here last Tuesday turned out to be patent axle grease, an— “Gee!” interjected the groceryman, ON THE FARM} Rarefied Recipe “Yes, made th > honey Insect showing some concern. “What did it to them summer boarders at your house “What did it do to them?” responded Josh, with a reflective sigh. “Why it lubricated their teeth and throats so derned slippery that they swallowed about four dollars’ worth o° high-priced grub instead 0’ 20 cents’ worth.”"—Phila- delphia Telegraph It Wasn't Bad— Election. gent—That was a good long speech our candidate made on the farming question, wasn’t it? Farmer—Oh, yes, it wasn’t bad; but a couple o’ nights’ good rain wud a’ donea sight more good.—British Farm and Home Harvest Home—* Now, let me see,” s the modern farmer, looking over his field; “there’s a new automobile in that lot, a dress apiece for the girls, a hat for Maria and somethin’ left over for Bob in France to set ‘em up to the fellers.”” Toledo Blade. [ YANKs Freshies—Among the visitors at At- lantic City recently were 1,500 husky soldiers from the Southwestern States, training at Camp Dix. Two big Ari- zonans in the group, wandering along the Boardwalk, were getting their first near glimpse of the ocean. They walked down the steps to the beach, watched the waves for a moment and approached the water’s edge. There they leaned over, dipped their fingers in the water and put the fingers in their mouth. “By ¢ isn’t it?’ ky!” said one, “it is salty, ~Philadelphia North American. LYOUNGSTERS| A Little Gum Drop—Bessie was tell- ing rather excitedly about a dream she had, when suddenly she stuttered, gulped and stopped without completing the sentence. “Why, child, what’s the matter?” her mother asked “TL swallowed a word,” answered Bessie with a rueful smile.—Boston Tran- script Sweet Reproof—A South Side ma- tron who is fond of candy was. sitting in her home with a box in her lap, the other day, when the little daughter of a neighbor came to call. Despite the fact that the litle girl gazed longingly at the box for some mo: ments, the matron did not offer her any of the candy. Finally, however, she bethought her: self, smiled at the little girl, and inquired: “Helen, do you like candy?” And Helen replied “Well, I guess you don’t think so.” Youngstown Telegram High Time—* Cleopatra! Cleopatra!” called little Jessie, who liked big names for her pets. “Why, I thought your cat’s name was Napoleon,” protested the visitor. “He was Napoleon till he had his kit- tens,” affirmed Jessie, stoutly.—Tit-Bits. The Imperial Guard pour notre grande offensice de paixy qu'on mobilise tous les menteurs!” “And now for the grand peace « Order a mobilization of all the liars!"”"—Le Rire (Paris ensive. comicbooks.com